Blog entry for:

myself to want a better life, full of good stuff -- even really, really want it. for far to many times in my recovery i was told to stay in the here and now and stop worrying about what may come. i was also told that man proposes and GOD disposes. in all of that, i lost sight of what was really important, it was not knowledge of GOD's will for me, or self-will nor was it FATE, KISMET or KARMA. no what was important was that i saw a plan for myself moving forward, a future with ever-expanding possibilities. one where i could feel comfortable in my own skin as walked through my day and maybe, just maybe have a few material advantages as the result of my own hard work. what i finally gleaned from all that advice was that it is okay for me to have a dream, formulate a plan and do the footwork to achieve it, even if i do not quite make it there. coming to that conclusion took quite a long minute and my FEAR that all would come to naught, was replaced by the FAITH that no matter what, it is more than likely the best outcome for me.
this morning, as i sat, i kept dropping into day dream fantasies. i let them rise, play out and vanish and between those bubbles of alternate facts, what i got was a sense that perhaps it was time to start looking for a new blueprint for my future, instead of just coasting along. what that plan may look like is a mystery to me at this moment, but i can open myself up to the possibility that perhaps there are parts of me that have yet to be expressed and uncovered. it is up to me to let go of who i think i am today and perhaps allow those bits and pieces to rise to the surface. as i said recently, even if i do not see the whole of me, i am mush greater than the sum of my parts, even those that live in terra incognito. just for today, i will walk in the confidence that if i make a plan, and i really, really have a strong desire to see it turn out in a certain was, i can let go and see what happens.

∞ DT ∞