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and i wonder some days if i really want to hear what my friends think about me. you know the old, do not ask me what i think of you i may not give the answer you expect me to!
however that being said and after a very mixed start to my day. i am grateful for the friendships i have developed over time. truthfully i was down to just a couple of friends when i got clean and due to the nature of this program they slowly drifted away. i was clean and looking for a new way to live, and they were doing what we always did. so life was rather lonely those first couple of months. i was not sure i wanted to have any friendships with the freak show i saw in the rooms and was not ready to give what i needed to develop those friendships. but time, loneliness and boredom quickly wore me down and i ended-up starting to learn how to do this whole friendship gig.
i wish i could honestly say that the friendship learning curve was a shallow one for me. it has been a long and sometimes arduous process. mostly because my character defects , and my self-image got in the way, playing well with others is not something i picked-up along the way. i must have skipped that class in the school of life.
anyway, today i want and NEED to have friendships and am learning how to be an active, equal participant in the friendships i have been given. not that it is an easy task to accomplish that active and equal part still causes a stumble or two for me, but i am better than i was and if i let go of my self-will it will become easier over time. i am willing to learn today and that is more than enough for this moment. after all, i cannot expect to become perfect overnight :)!

∞ DT ∞