Blog entry for:

speak the the **TRUTH** about me, out of concern for my well-being, even if i do not want to hear it. a year ago was one of the most incredible two and a half minutes of my life. with two of my friends, i GOT TO witness a total eclipse of the sun, and regardless of the less than stellar traffic flow in and out of the state of Wyoming. the event, in and of itself, was hardly life-changing, but it was for me anyhow, one of those events i will never forget. being under the path of totality, i can certainly see why it might strike awe and fear into those who did not understand what was happening and be used for a tool of control by those who did. ah but i am off on a tangent here and need to reel myself back in.
when i came to recovery i said i had “friends” and kept my distance from them, so my legal troubles would not “rub-off” on them. as i stayed clean and continued on my journey of recovery, i came to realize that IF i wanted to stay clean, i would have to maintain that distance, as they had what the part of me i call addiction wants, the ways and means to get high. the odd part of that distance is, that as time went by, very few of them ever wanted to invite me back into the circle, which makes me wonder what kind of friend was i, back in the day, if no one is curious about where i went? i know the answer to that question and as disturbing as it may be, the fact was, i was never a real friend to anyone back in those days, and my absence had little effect on the lives of those i used to hang with. when i was using i “X'd” people out of my life all the time and never wondered why they did not try to reach out to me. step work has given me the means to see who i was and more importantly who i can become and being a friend, in the true sense of the word, instead of just and acquaintance or using-buddy, is one of the skills i have begun to learn and implement into my life.
this morning, as i get ready to wrap this up, i can be content knowing that in my life, i have more than one friend that i would miss, if they happened to be removed from my life, for one reason or another. it is a good day to be clean and a better one to get a few steps in, before the rain comes and before i get sucked into work.

∞ DT ∞