Blog entry for:

of what it takes to build lasting friendships was not part of my knowledge-base when i got clean. in fact, figuring out what it takes to be a **real** friend was not something i learned in Kindergarten either. i was and still am a **social retard,** BUT i am willing and open-minded enough these days to learn the lessons i **skipped** when i was a child.
ah yes, i can hear the groans as i seem to be headed down the path of self-deprecation once again. honestly, i could be a “rose-coloured glasses” sort of person, quite easily. my life today has all the trappings of those who are in the other 85%. i am content with what my life looks like and i know that even though i do the work on daily basis, that life is the result of a program of recovery. it is also a fact that as cynical as i am, i also am grateful for this life, even with the flaws i often write about. i want to make something perfectly clear, right here and right now. for me., recovery is about being a better person, by allowing myself to be altered in “positive” ways. over time, it became easier for me, not to have anyone in my life, save “using buddies.” as a result, almost all the true and abiding friendships i have today are the result of the changes manifest by this recovery program. that does not mean that i have left the state of arrested development when it comes to being a social person. it just means that i am making progress.
the one lesson that was driven home with great prejudice when i was first getting clean, was that being a friend does not mean being a doormat. sure, doormats are likeable people and i though being likeable was the same as being a friend. when my second sponsor finally disabused of that notion and i started forming relationships based in equality rather than power, i began to become capable of forming relationships that could become friendships. the result today is a i have several deep friendships, and lots of acquaintances. that is not a bad thing, because at least for me, “friendships” based on my DESIRE to be liked and accepted, rather than who i am, are not the ones i desire today. on that note, i think i will wrap this up and do some work.

∞ DT ∞