Blog entry for:

have i prayed for knowledge of the will of a HIGHER POWER for me and the power to carry it out? two very good questions and ones that are not hard for me to answer on a daily basis. that is, if i still did my TENTH Step as an inventory process instead of a meditation process. part of this current step cycle ended-up being a sort of merging of step 10 and 11 as part of my daily routine. the result has been astounding for me, and one that i will recommend for anyone else, who happens to find that the answering a daily litany of questions almost the exact same, night after night was not really discovering what needs to be discovered as part of the 10th Step.
that is how it works for me. the amazing part is when i sit down to do my daily inventory, i get better answers than ever before. as i rise form the session in the evening, i KNOW where i was wrong, what i need to repair, and where i can do better in the future. i also KNOW where i was right and where i was walking the path of recovery. although those same answers were revealed in the writing of the list of questions, i never felt so certain of what was uncovered, and as a result i feel into doing it by rote. and for this addict doing anything by rote does not aid in my ongoing recovery. i am grateful that i have a sponse who sees this and understands me well enough to knock me out of what i have always done, into something new and different.
well, that being said, what really struck me this morning, as i sat listening was these two questions, not the answers to those questions but rather the questions themselves. for me, they go to the core of how i am living a program these days. staying in touch with who i am, how i am acting and what my motives are, from minute to minute is a full-time job, dang it. it is however, part of what i am learning to do --namely -- be present for myself first, then everyone else. like any other skill, that i have been introduced to as a result of living a program, it is one that i have found to have a very steep learning curve. as i climb that curve, it may become any easier, at least not yet, but it is not quite as hard as it was, way back when it was first suggested to me. in the spirit of being present, i do believe i have come to the place, where it is time to sign-off and hit the streets. so until tomorrow…

∞ DT ∞