ΓΈ i will review my day and if i have harmed another, i will make amends ΓΈ
Posted: Thu, Aug 26, 2010 08:41:08 AM
i will then consider carefully how i can act differently to prevent such harm from occurring. this certainly can be and is one of those readings where i can readily join the chorus with a resounding “me too!” i do a TENTH STEP inventory on a consistent basis and i move into the corrective part of the step as indicated by what i find. so i guess i am done for today and time to run!
maybe not, while there is not a whole lot for me to say about this topic in particular i can share some of the insight i had last night as i quieted down and allowed myself the chance to take my daily reprieve and review my day. first off the bat, was the return of my seventh step prayer in the meeting last night. i had forgotten what a great tool i had there and how well it shut down the judge, jury and executioner of the character of others. it does not matter that what the other member was sharing was so patently absurd i almost laughed out loud when the dribble that passes for recovery passed through their lips, the only thing that kept my coffee in its cup was a quick return to my seventh step prayer, which gave me the freedom from that particular shortcoming. i mean what kind of recovering addict uses the literature to justify their lack of action when it comes to working the steps. quite honestly, i was just as ignorant that obsession leads to compulsion ONLY AFTER I HAVE DONE WHAT I AM OBSESSING ABOUT, while they can be two separate states of mind, where i get my recovery speaks of them being permanently linked, at least when it comes to addiction. it was only after i worked my second set FIRST STEP that i got this. second set? yes! i worked my first set of steps in another fellowship where such things are barely mentioned outside of the context of a very specific substance. nothing wrong with that, for others, for me, i was nearly killed with their kindness. but that is another story, perhaps one i will tell the next time i share my story, or not.
so where in the world was my seventh step prayer all of this time? stashed away for safekeeping i am sure. it is only because i have gone through STEP SEVEN with two sponsees over the past two weeks that i was reminded that tool still was part of me, and could be returned to use with very little effort. so yes, i have gone off again, focusing on the actions of another addict, here it comes -- A NICE JUICY RATIONALIZATION -- i needed to go there to illustrate my point, namely HOW the 10TH STEP works in my life today.
nice segue there if i do not mind saying so myself. the TENTH STEP allows me to see how i act-out on my character defects and shortcomings in very near real-time. it also proposes corrective action for me to implement in my daily living. only because i have a solid foundation in pages 17 through 53, can i live comfortably in the real world, without the use of drugs and more importantly without having to scratch my itch of acting out in one of the myriad of self-destructive behaviors that comprise my true and real self. as i was telling my sponsee last night, he need not fear that the removal of those traits and behaviors will leave him an empty shell, as he can always return to this miserable state, or choosing to walk forward these negative aspects will be replaced by the positive ones that are inherent in most of us, just buried under a pile of sh!t, that is addiction.
so yes i am sorry i still judge an addict who truly believes he is recovering from addiction, even though he has been clean for nearly 3 years and has yet to work a single step. that is his stuff and unless i see it harming a newcomer, it is not my job to worry about it. just as i told that same sponsee last night, clean time does not equal recovery, decades clean does not mean untreated addiction has been removed from any addict, especially me, and as i have yet to have that particular plural of clean time, i will be content knowing that just for today, i want to be a part of my ACTIVE RECOVERY and suffer no more at the hands of my addiction.
i do believe i have come to the end, so with a lighter heart and an emptier head, it is time to take a quick tour of the neighborhood, to work on the rest of my recovery, just for today.
maybe not, while there is not a whole lot for me to say about this topic in particular i can share some of the insight i had last night as i quieted down and allowed myself the chance to take my daily reprieve and review my day. first off the bat, was the return of my seventh step prayer in the meeting last night. i had forgotten what a great tool i had there and how well it shut down the judge, jury and executioner of the character of others. it does not matter that what the other member was sharing was so patently absurd i almost laughed out loud when the dribble that passes for recovery passed through their lips, the only thing that kept my coffee in its cup was a quick return to my seventh step prayer, which gave me the freedom from that particular shortcoming. i mean what kind of recovering addict uses the literature to justify their lack of action when it comes to working the steps. quite honestly, i was just as ignorant that obsession leads to compulsion ONLY AFTER I HAVE DONE WHAT I AM OBSESSING ABOUT, while they can be two separate states of mind, where i get my recovery speaks of them being permanently linked, at least when it comes to addiction. it was only after i worked my second set FIRST STEP that i got this. second set? yes! i worked my first set of steps in another fellowship where such things are barely mentioned outside of the context of a very specific substance. nothing wrong with that, for others, for me, i was nearly killed with their kindness. but that is another story, perhaps one i will tell the next time i share my story, or not.
so where in the world was my seventh step prayer all of this time? stashed away for safekeeping i am sure. it is only because i have gone through STEP SEVEN with two sponsees over the past two weeks that i was reminded that tool still was part of me, and could be returned to use with very little effort. so yes, i have gone off again, focusing on the actions of another addict, here it comes -- A NICE JUICY RATIONALIZATION -- i needed to go there to illustrate my point, namely HOW the 10TH STEP works in my life today.
nice segue there if i do not mind saying so myself. the TENTH STEP allows me to see how i act-out on my character defects and shortcomings in very near real-time. it also proposes corrective action for me to implement in my daily living. only because i have a solid foundation in pages 17 through 53, can i live comfortably in the real world, without the use of drugs and more importantly without having to scratch my itch of acting out in one of the myriad of self-destructive behaviors that comprise my true and real self. as i was telling my sponsee last night, he need not fear that the removal of those traits and behaviors will leave him an empty shell, as he can always return to this miserable state, or choosing to walk forward these negative aspects will be replaced by the positive ones that are inherent in most of us, just buried under a pile of sh!t, that is addiction.
so yes i am sorry i still judge an addict who truly believes he is recovering from addiction, even though he has been clean for nearly 3 years and has yet to work a single step. that is his stuff and unless i see it harming a newcomer, it is not my job to worry about it. just as i told that same sponsee last night, clean time does not equal recovery, decades clean does not mean untreated addiction has been removed from any addict, especially me, and as i have yet to have that particular plural of clean time, i will be content knowing that just for today, i want to be a part of my ACTIVE RECOVERY and suffer no more at the hands of my addiction.
i do believe i have come to the end, so with a lighter heart and an emptier head, it is time to take a quick tour of the neighborhood, to work on the rest of my recovery, just for today.
∞ DT ∞