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and that is a wonderful gift. or is it? the part of me i call my disease works to make me feel as uncomfortable as i possibly can. that part of me tells me that i am unfit to recover, that i have yet to experience any sort of spiritual awakening, any attempts that i have made at amends were shallow and without sincerity, in short that i am the same piece of shit as i was when i first decided to change my life through a twelve step program. what logically follows this little piece of self trash talk is generally so why not just say fuck it and use.
one of the weapons in my recovery arsenal is the daily inventory. although i am not as thorough as i once was when doing the daily inventory, i am consistent and i believe consistency is as important as thoroughness, at least for me. among the questions i ask myself on a daily basis is what spiritual principles did i practice today? and honest answer to that question provides me what i need to disarm the part of me i call my disease. after all, a honest assessment of spiritual principles, demonstrates to me that i have changed at least a bit and that i am moving forward towards becoming more than i ever was. i need to look at both the acceptable as well as unacceptable behaviors in my daily living if i wish to continue to live in recovery, and the tenth step provides the means to end my day with an honest look at who i have been today, and most days that is just another addict doing my best to stay clean and recover from the disease of addiction today!

∞ DT ∞