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some days i used to believe that **HERE BE DRAGONS**, after all, this step says that when i am wrong to promptly admit it, and what it implied, is FIX IT! that attitude, based on my prevailing thought pattern at that time, was that i was wrong MOST OF THE TIME, and it was kinder to myself, not to beat myself up with the LONG litany of sins i committed on a daily basis. instead of looking at my actions and behaviors, i chose to answer the questions in the inventory in a very narrow sense, basically lying to myself by omission. it is a good thang, that i am not as sick as i once was!
today, i see that while a dragon or two may be lurking ion these parts, they are easily slain and dealt with, through the application of spiritual principles, namely owning what i have done,m and cleaning up the wreckage in as close to real-time as i cam\\n, which sometimes means tomorrow. yes i know that this is a just for today kind of deal, but sometimes, just for today means gladly paying for something tomorrow that i did yesterday. that sort of action, especially the part of taking responsibility for my actions circumvents the addition of others to my next 9TH step list, which is certainly a boon for me. taking ownership and responsibility keeps me from relying on that sick and twisted justification of: “after all, i am only an addict and i am sick.”
yes the 10TH step removes from me the BIGGEST and most heinous lie i use, to **PROTECT** myself from myself. sure staying clean is important and is the overarching component of my daily program, BUT living clean is equally as important. anytime i hear myself adding “at least i did not use,” to rationalize or justify something i did, i know that i am falling into the trap of blame shifting, from which i barely escaped, way back when.
today, i am grateful that i have a manner of looking at what i have done and evaluate whether or not it furthers my goal of becoming the sort of person i have always wanted to be. if not, i have the means at my disposal to take care of those actions and behaviors, just for today.

∞ DT ∞