Blog entry for:

i will make amends and think about how i can act differently, tomorrow.
so here i again,, writing about something that i already do. it feels a bit pointless, BUT, the point for me is the reminder that this is the sort of stuff that is the footwork part of my partnership, with the POWER that fuels my recovery. in fact, part of that deal is to do the footwork and let go of the results. one result happens to be, that at 2:30 this afternoon, we will begin the process of fostering a puppy, that may become part of our family. i am excited about the prospect and more than a bit anxious about it at the same time. the way this has all gone down, is so amzing, and so lightening quick, that my head is still spinning with the possibilities. i can say this, i was resigned and yes had settled that a new dawg would not happen until we got back from Mexico. we had put in applications, made phone calls, actually went and met one dog, but no matter what, we were not getting anywhere. more than once, we considered going to one of the big box pet stores for one of their adoption events, knowing full well, that we would walk away with a dawg. each time, we decided that was not the way to go. to sit back, allow things to play out as they would and the dawg for us, would arrive at our house, with very little additional effort. it wou,d be as the saying goes, in GOD's time, not ours. so when i e-mailed the rescue place on Friday afternoon, i was certain that once again, nothing would come of it.
boy was i wrong! here we are three days later, picking up a four month old rescue pup, and about to turn our lives upside down. yes, there will be more than a few sleepless nights, yes there will be a scramble to find someone with the desire to house and puppy sit. yes there will be the joys of training a pup to respect indoor space, and yes there will be obedience training, socialization and all the trappings of raising a dawg. more than likely there will be hard times and more than likely there will be joy.
for me, this is a very bittersweet moment, as the grief of sending two dawgs on to their next exisitence, weighs heavily on my mind this mornning. in fact i had a dream about Odin, last night and he was smiling like he did when he was contant and happy. i am not one to put a whole lot of store in dreams and their meanings, so attaching any more imporatnace to this one, as brief as it was, is not part of who i am. what i feel, is that this is the right thing for us, and the cost of bringing hom a pup, will be well worth it. Lucy was part of our lives for such a brief moment and can never be replaced. Kathy brought her home and i loved her from the start. Odin was my dawg, i raised him from a pup, and Kathy came to love him, when we joined togther as a unit. Star is OUR dawg, as we will be bringing her home together, this afternoon. this will be like having a child together, insted of a blended family and the tears i am feeling, but not shedding, this morning, as i consider the dawgs that have been a part of my life, are being replaced by the nervous joy i feel waiting for 2:30 to happen
man did i get way off track! so what does this have to do about the TENTH STEP and a daily inventory? i am not really certain. as this is my space, i guess it does not matter. wht matters is that i keep doing my daily inventory and accept that perhaps, this pup was meant for us and allow that possibility to fill my heart and my head, at least right now. anyhow, it is a good day to be clean and allow whatever is supposed to happen, happen, it could still be a no go and i will steel myself against that possibility, with FAITH that the POWER that fuels my recovery is taking care of me after all.

∞ DT ∞