Some memes

one may wonder why on earth i am writing about FAITH, when the reading was about STEP TEN? for me, the FAITH to keep doing the whole recovery gig, comes from the fact that it works. i may not be a GOD guy, have beams of light shooting out of my bodily orifices or even be the most spiritual person in the room at any given time. i do however have FAITH. the works i do to nurture and build that FAITH, is living the STEPS and applying them in my daily life. part of that exercise in FAITH is doing a daily inventory, so most of the time, this writing becomes a “me too” sort of writing. yes i do a daily inventory. no i no longer write it out. the questions i ask vary from day to day. i am grateful i have the means to review my day, settle in myself the unsettling aspects of that day and go to sleep, each and every night.
reaffirming my FAITH, through the daily practice of the “maintenance steps,” keeps me clean. more importantly this practice fosters a process of growth, that was started way back when i first got clean. even though that process was stymied by my unwillingness to grow any FAITH in those first eighteen months or so of my recovery, it was still happening. when i grew enough to finally accept that i NEEDED a different way of living, and staying clean because of consequences, was not going to cut it, i had a place to start at. i had a system at my disposal that would facilitate my growth and allow me to be more than the a$$hole that walked into the rooms. i had the means to care for myself, for the first time in years. surviving active addiction, is the seed of that FAITH, staying clean and getting to celebrate clean time in a few weeks, is the result of that FAITH put into action.
what surprises more often than not, is what comes out of those quiet review times. sure, wrongs i need to right, but often those wrongs are attitudes, opinions and beliefs of mine, that are in need of serious adjustment, as evidenced by the notions that filled my head the other evening, specifically about what i thought of a person and if could be wrong about how i was seeing them. unfortunately, that answer has yet to arrive in my heart, so i will let it keep spinning in the ether and see what eventually comes back. i can report, however, taht just the willingness to look at someone in a different light has shown me a few things that i thought i knew, are more than likely incorrect and that any actions based on those so-called “facts,” require a revisiting before implementation.
instead of prattling on about how important daily practice of this step is for me, and it is, i think i will just close this down and say: just for today i am grateful i have the means and the desire to visit my actions between opening my eyes and closing them again. my dedication to a daily inventory allows me to be more than i ever thought was possible and keeps me on a path towards becoming more than i can imagine right now.

∞ DT ∞