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and being present for others is the most powerful antidote to believing i am just too weird. hiding in plain sight, fronting what i am not to fit the situation and living a lie are all states of doing in which i am well-versed. being my true self, allowing others to see that self and feeling the pain of my friends and peers, are behaviors that are newish to me. day by day, hell, even minute by minute, i make choices as what to show and what to hide. not every sticking person ion the world needs to know that i am an addict, although i post it on the internet, on social media for anyone and everyone to see. and yet, in real life i am a whole lot more circumspect about that fact of my life. i guess one might say, my intimacy is certainly situational, as it probably is for the rest of humankind.
i read the news this morning that the son of a friend and peer of mine was being sought by the local PD for crimes he allegedly committed. it took me several hours to get over my bad self and my doubts about how to handle this information, to finally text my friend, as if he did not already know, as i am certain that the police had already been talking to him. i decided to let him know, that i knew and offer any assistance he may desire, and leave it at that. not sure how that went over, but he did not scream and yell at me and liked my txt. i truly hate to see my friends and peers suffering because of circumstances and situations outside of their power to do anything about, and this certainly falls smack dab in the middle of that bucket.
as i prepare to post this and move into getting ready to have a new computer tomorrow, i can see that i still have miles to go, before i am truly open and present for all of those who are in my life. bit by bit, day by day, i get better at both of those tasks, no matter how much the part of me i call addiction, screams at me to stop, because in the past that sort of behavior has brought nothing, save for pain and suffering. the good news is, that i no longer traverse those circles of society any more, so it is more than worth the chance to be more open and caring, just for today.

∞ DT ∞