ยฅ conflict is not only to be expected in any long-lasting relationship but โฆ
Posted: Fri, Sep 18, 2009 07:51:24 AM
is actually an indication that both people are emotionally healthy and honest individuals. in any relationship where both people agree on absolutely everything, chances are that only one person is doing the thinking. so yes i stripped out the actual examples of healthy conflict from my seed, and that was for a specific reason that somehow eludes me right now.
so what i think i will do is move into what i heard this morning, as i was quietly contemplating life the universe and everything. well at least on how it relates to me. to be honest, conflict in some of my oldest relationships has been the rule, rather than the exception over the past fourteen months. those relationships that have withstood the challenge of me learning how to stand-up and become equal at least in my own eyes are now stronger and have greater depth than ever before, and those that have not, well, as regretful as it is, i have moved on. the saddest part of having to move on, is that those relationships were with members that purport to have decades of recovery, unfortunately they forget that clean time is not the same thing as recovery. do i hold out any hope for reestablishing these relationships? not really, i am just a pup, and until those people start actually demonstrating in the current behaviors that they are ready, i know any attempt at reestablishing a relationship is hopeless, as i will no longer tolerate being treated like a child, a clever one perhaps, but a child nevertheless.
my relationships at home and those that survived my growing pains are now stronger today than ever. i took the feeling that i had about being treated like someone less than and applied them in the opposite direction, if i want to be respected, first i have to respect myself, then i have to be respectful of others, especially those that i have treated as the junior partner in my relationships in the past. what that means is it is compliments and blowing smoke up their collective a$$es that demonstrates my respect. it is soliciting and actually listening to their thoughts, ideas, dreams and hopes. it means that when i ask them what is up, i am actually expecting them to tell me, without going on and on about their physical ailments. it means that we can engage in a give and take conversation, each one allowing the other to finish their thought before responding. most importantly, to me anyhow, it means that i expect to be told when i am behaving badly and told in no uncertain terms. i also expect to give them the same as i am receiving and yes such relationships have inherent conflict built-in, that is the nature of honest and caring relationships when each party is allowed to be them self, as well as allowing the other do be the same, their honest and true self, at least whatever version of that woke up in their skin today.
so anyhow, it may still be early, i may not have bunches of billed hours on my desk, BUT it is a great day to be looking forward to, and one in which i know i can be a stronger, more equal partner in any relationship, if allow myself to be honest and true to me.
so off to the streets and into this cool morning to work off yesetrday’s most delcious pasta salad.
so what i think i will do is move into what i heard this morning, as i was quietly contemplating life the universe and everything. well at least on how it relates to me. to be honest, conflict in some of my oldest relationships has been the rule, rather than the exception over the past fourteen months. those relationships that have withstood the challenge of me learning how to stand-up and become equal at least in my own eyes are now stronger and have greater depth than ever before, and those that have not, well, as regretful as it is, i have moved on. the saddest part of having to move on, is that those relationships were with members that purport to have decades of recovery, unfortunately they forget that clean time is not the same thing as recovery. do i hold out any hope for reestablishing these relationships? not really, i am just a pup, and until those people start actually demonstrating in the current behaviors that they are ready, i know any attempt at reestablishing a relationship is hopeless, as i will no longer tolerate being treated like a child, a clever one perhaps, but a child nevertheless.
my relationships at home and those that survived my growing pains are now stronger today than ever. i took the feeling that i had about being treated like someone less than and applied them in the opposite direction, if i want to be respected, first i have to respect myself, then i have to be respectful of others, especially those that i have treated as the junior partner in my relationships in the past. what that means is it is compliments and blowing smoke up their collective a$$es that demonstrates my respect. it is soliciting and actually listening to their thoughts, ideas, dreams and hopes. it means that when i ask them what is up, i am actually expecting them to tell me, without going on and on about their physical ailments. it means that we can engage in a give and take conversation, each one allowing the other to finish their thought before responding. most importantly, to me anyhow, it means that i expect to be told when i am behaving badly and told in no uncertain terms. i also expect to give them the same as i am receiving and yes such relationships have inherent conflict built-in, that is the nature of honest and caring relationships when each party is allowed to be them self, as well as allowing the other do be the same, their honest and true self, at least whatever version of that woke up in their skin today.
so anyhow, it may still be early, i may not have bunches of billed hours on my desk, BUT it is a great day to be looking forward to, and one in which i know i can be a stronger, more equal partner in any relationship, if allow myself to be honest and true to me.
so off to the streets and into this cool morning to work off yesetrday’s most delcious pasta salad.
∞ DT ∞