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were certainly NOT two of the spiritual principles i practiced in active addiction, or even early in my recovery journey. i **thought** what i heard when i got clean was that i needed to change everything, and one of the character traits i came into recovery with, was being quite sure that i knew best and anyone who disagreed needed to be pounded into dust. i came to believe that in order to stop being an intellectual bully, i need to agree with everything anyone told me, and swallow my feelings and thoughts in the “spirit of compromise.” i implemented this notion and in no time at all, found myself being resentful and having the desire to isolate. the thought of having to suppress all that i was, to have any chance of a long-term relationship, be it friendship, romance or peace within my family, almost took me out of the rooms.
as i learned to be respectful of others and what they thought, i saw that what i was doing was diminishing myself in my own eyes and theirs, by playing the zero sum game of people-pleasing. it was not until my second SEVENTH STEP, that i finally realized that i had to find a happy medium between being a doormat and a bully, and in that place, i would grow to become a person who could be respected and expected to be honest and open with what i believed. as eye-opening as that may have been, i still swing back and forth, on this issue, often erring on the side of caution, to keep from driving anyone off.
i am confronting this issue head on right now, with none of the men i sponsor. he is a ward of the state and since the lock down started i have been unable to see him face-to face. he acted out in self-will and is suffering the consequences of his poor decision-making. in his latest letter, he attempts to rationalize and justify what he did, even though i never asked for an explanation. now, i am at a loss at how to respond. i want to say that is all and good, but what i hear is a whining little baby complaining about how unfair life is and doing whatever he wanted to, just because he wanted to do it. the fact that he attempted to hide it from his “keepers” by having someone else do the deed, makes it even worse in my mind. i am sitting on responding because i want to give him my opinion without driving him away. seeking a balance between chastisement and support is what i am struggling to do.
what i have decided to do, in this minute anyhow, is wait a bit more, listen to the voice of the POWER that fuels my recovery and respond when i finally “hear” the next right thing to do. he is not going anywhere soon and i do not need to react to what i see as back-sliding into active addiction. practicing honesty and integrity are my watchwords for today and i think now it is time to let go and get to work.

∞ DT ∞