โ if i sacrifice my honesty and integrity to avoid conflicts or disagreements, โ
Posted: Mon, Sep 18, 2006 09:15:07 AM
i give away the best of what i bring to my relationships.
and i gave away enough of myself over and over and over again for way too long while i was active in my addiction, and when i was in early recovery. in early recovery i hear you ponder, i thought recovery was all about discovering who you were and learning how to be honest in all phases of your life including relationships? well in early recovery, somewhere i got the notion that in order to correct my life and my aggressive tendencies, i acquiesced to almost anything to avoid disagreements. i was under the false impression that correcting my behavior by acting exactly the opposite of the way i had was what i needed to do. true, it did help me get a bit of humility but did very little for the rest o’ "issues" that i was saddled with about who and what i really was.
today i understand that i am not only entitled to have opinions that differ from those with whom i share my life, i am obligated to express them in an assertive, not aggressive manner. and for this addict that is the rub. i still get aggressiveness and assertiveness confused, and behave aggressively when i am attempting to be assertive. of course that is a topic for my upcoming sixth step and a reading on another day. be that as it may, i am working on developing my own ideas and opinions, instead of being a parrot-like robot and it is something i encourage in those with whom i interact. just because i think something is true, does not mean it is. i may lack enough information to form an informed opinion, or just have misinterpreted the information i have been given. disagreements are not evidence of being less than nor are they evidence of a fatal flaw within my relationships. what they are evidence of is that i am thinking for myself and allowing myself the room to express an opinion, and not a fact. they are also evidence that those with whom i disagree are also learning how to express what they think, and most of all, how i react to disagreements is the evidence of how i well i am doing in living in this new manner.
and i gave away enough of myself over and over and over again for way too long while i was active in my addiction, and when i was in early recovery. in early recovery i hear you ponder, i thought recovery was all about discovering who you were and learning how to be honest in all phases of your life including relationships? well in early recovery, somewhere i got the notion that in order to correct my life and my aggressive tendencies, i acquiesced to almost anything to avoid disagreements. i was under the false impression that correcting my behavior by acting exactly the opposite of the way i had was what i needed to do. true, it did help me get a bit of humility but did very little for the rest o’ "issues" that i was saddled with about who and what i really was.
today i understand that i am not only entitled to have opinions that differ from those with whom i share my life, i am obligated to express them in an assertive, not aggressive manner. and for this addict that is the rub. i still get aggressiveness and assertiveness confused, and behave aggressively when i am attempting to be assertive. of course that is a topic for my upcoming sixth step and a reading on another day. be that as it may, i am working on developing my own ideas and opinions, instead of being a parrot-like robot and it is something i encourage in those with whom i interact. just because i think something is true, does not mean it is. i may lack enough information to form an informed opinion, or just have misinterpreted the information i have been given. disagreements are not evidence of being less than nor are they evidence of a fatal flaw within my relationships. what they are evidence of is that i am thinking for myself and allowing myself the room to express an opinion, and not a fact. they are also evidence that those with whom i disagree are also learning how to express what they think, and most of all, how i react to disagreements is the evidence of how i well i am doing in living in this new manner.
∞ DT ∞