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in balance certainly is an interesting concept and one that leads down all sorts of slippery slopes. a quick example: does that balance mean preventing all the troublesome, frustrating or onerous persons from contacting me, by ghosting or blocking them? that action, in and of itself, without a doubt makes my life a whole lot more serene. the question then becomes, is that a life in balance or not. removing, to the best of my ability, those nasty bits of my life and enhancing the best parts, is probably living a life in denial and self-entitlement, as a life in balance includes those parts that may not meet my exacting specifications. one of those who i am choosing to block these days, is certainly a great example of what could happen to me, if i choose to attempt to make my life fit my expectations of what i believe i deserve. the sense of entitlement and my notions of being a victim, are still a part of me, as they were when i walked into the rooms and hung out merely abstinent for the first part of my clean time. those undesirable traits as well as a whole lot of others, are sitting there, under the surface, waiting for me to fins any sort of excuse to activate them and justify the way i am feeling. as much as i would like to believe i am immune to tripping down that particular garden path, i know that i am not. the nice part is, i have more than enough examples of what that looks like in real life, the over-entitled, excuse-riddled life of being a victim.
this morning, there i feel grateful that no matter what comes down the pike at me today, i have the resources i need to stay clean and find the support i need to stay sane. i need not act-out, nor do i need to dip into the pharmacopeia of this or that to assuage my feelings of disappointment and frustration of things not breaking in my favor. i KNOW that i am not a victim of life. i KNOW that life, on the whole, is not a joy ride, and has a mixture of happiness and disappointment. i KNOW that i have a POWER that fuels my recovery that provides me the opportunity to get all that i NEED today. balance ion my life, is not a function of enhancing the stuff that i find acceptable and minimizing that which i do not. no, it means that i take what comes in stride and do my best to respond in an appropriate manner. the next time the living example of what i do not want to be, happens to contact me, i might even be able to listen to them unload about the whys and wherefores of their excuse filled life that leads to the inevitable conclusion of them getting high, just one more time. their “trials and tribulations” could be mine, if i choose to live a life where i refuse to take what action i can take to live in a responsible manner, just for today.

∞ DT ∞