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the best of what i bring to my relationships, is certainly something i know a whole lot about. the latest manifestations of this sort of behavior has come in two forms: ignoring the obvious and acting to please. which is worse is hard to tell, the former saves me a whole lot of grief and the latter appears to make my life more serene. in my little black book of less than stellar behaviors i would rate them as equally damaging to me and those relationships that i cherish.
working in alphabetical order, acting to please someone, looks like being kind and considerate, and is awfully close to people-pleasing, in which i am also well-versed. my little twist is that i no longer put my needs behind those i am trying to please, but i do kind and considerate acts, expecting a result, specifically some token of gratitude. of course, when that expectation is not met, i get the opportunity to get all butt-hurt and resentful, after all can they not see how far i went out of my way to be “nice” not a very strong basis on which to build any sort of honest relationships, certainly not any that can stand the test of life on life's terms.
ignoring issues, letting those sleeping dogs lie, is a behavior i learned from my family, after all, if it is not talked about, it did not happen or it will go away. i ran up against that on the other day and <BOOM> history had changed, i was challenged on the events i remember quite clearly to this day, and if i did not know better i was in the process of being “gas-lighted.” their one downfall, in their attempt to deny my memories is the strong feelings that i still feel, when i decide to revisit those heinous moments of my life. i give them the benefit of the doubt and do not believe they were actively attempting to deny the truth, i think they just filed those events away as irrelevant, as it was just “small talk.” for them, perhaps it was, for me, not so much.
anyhow, so much for dwelling in the land of darkness, my life has moved on and today i can be honest in my relationships and build them on integrity. i do not have to deny, obfuscate or ply “alternative facts,” as i know that the truth will serve me better in both the short run and the long run. so i think i will piut this baby to bed and head on over to the event that is happening today in South Boulder. i am good with keeping up my part of my commitments these days, and i certainly did say that i would be there. it is a great day to live an honest life in the sunlight of recovery.

∞ DT ∞