Blog entry for:

and letting you be you. there are times when i want everyone to be the same. most of those times are when i am having a disagreeable day. those are the days when i do not want to be myself either.
throughout my entire life i wanted to fit in, to be like everyone else, so i learned to play roles, the jock, the intellectual, the freak, the teacher's pet or the party god. none of those roles were actually me and yet i worked so hard to polish and refine them into what i thought others wanted to see. contrasting this , was the part of me that wanted to be unique and different. i worked hard to be non-conforming to any standards. so i was a poser non-conformist struggling to keep my real self hidden. not a very self-assured manner of living -- image was everything!
today i strive to be who i am, although i am still discovering who that person is. after forty-one years of being no one, it is not easy to figure that out. the garbage of my past still slips in and i want to play roles in recovery -- the service junkie, spiritual guru, or the recovery nazi. once again these are just various facets of who i am carried out to the extreme and polished with the same effort i once put into being everyman to everyone.
however, today i am tired of not being true to myself and being who i am. i can relish the differences i see in my friends and peers, and do my best to be who i am, at least as i understand it today!
∞ DT ∞