Blog entry for:

to do the things that will free me from pain, i DO, however, have a choice. what choice is that? well, the choice to live a program of active recovery, or to merely go through the motions. it is true that living a program will not necessarily guarantee my happiness, but the alternative, living a life of mere abstinence or even worse active addiction WILL be miserable, as i have seen in the past. that being said i get to take a break from our regularly scheduled program and say:

8 years CLEAN, TIM M
-- simply amazing! --
THANK YOU for being a part of my active recovery!

moving on, even though i have a problem with the whole disease concept, i have experienced times of misery being clean. in fact, more than once i was so miserable that i had come to the conclusion that this whole recovery gig was not paying off. in those times what i forgot, and what i tend to forget on a regular basis, is that misery is an optional part of my life. it could be true, that i ma going through tough times, emotionally, financially or physically and to underestimate those effects upon myself would be a disservice to myself and my program. no those are the realities of life. to allow those realities to weigh me down is where i have a choice. i can accept that times have been better, and i can accept that times may get better, all i have to do is hold on, do the footwork and allow the program to work within me.
i can see that this reading may seem like it is asking me to put on my rose-colored glasses and see everything on the bright and sunny side no matter what. i could go there, but my pink cloud was burst quite some time ago, no how i look at this reading is, that i can choose to be miserable, by allowing myself to believe a couple of things. the bad times will not go away no matter what and so what is the point, i might as well reach fort the instant happiness button and check out for a few. active recovery allows me to see this for what it is, bad times, not a chain of failures, and the bad times can be countered by doing what i need to stay clean today no matter what. what may that be, i hear you ask. well for me, it means waking up and asking for the POWER to stay clean, spending some time listening for what i NEED to stay clean, remaining present for what is going on within and without me, and closing down my day by quietly reflecting on what occurred over the course of my waking hours. oh yeah, calling someone in recovery, and maybe doing a bit of active step work. i need not invest a whole lot time or effort into these activities as they are nearly as automatic as breathing for me. all of that will keep me in the here and now and allow me to feel happiness, joy or whatever is appropriate in the here and now, and you know what, i am not nearly as miserable when that happens. that lack of misery, feeds to my serenity, which feeds my lack of misery and the feedback loop gets tighter and tighter.
so time to go hit the elliptical machine and sweat out the remainder of my cold. it is after all, a good day to practice a program of active recovery.

∞ DT ∞