Blog entry for:

there is no recovery militia that will force me to do the things that will free me from pain. but i do have a choice.
actually i have many choices today, and the most important one is the choice i have to live another day without the use of anything to alter my feelings. ah, the generic answer, and for me the generic answer is a good one these days. i am in the worst part of the year emotionally for me and the current weather outside does nothing to help lift me out of the doldrums of early winter. i can accept that i will struggle until the sun starts to climb higher in the sky or i can whine and complain about it, and stay in bed. for me, that choice is almost as important as the one that will return to me active addiction. yes it would be wonderful to live without having my emotional status affected by the annual cycle of the sun, HOWEVER, fopr me that is not the case.
wah, wah, wah!
so what exactly am i going to do about it today? well i have plans to give my sponsor a jingle, give another assignment to a sponsee, and i have already congratulated Tim M on six years clean, so there is no need to call out the recovery cavalry quite yet! i am in a place of grateful acceptance this morning, acceptance of who and what i am, grateful because i am choosing to surrender to that fact rather than fight it. whoever said that life in recovery is one of choices, hit the mark on the head, or at least that is how it feels this morning. yes i want to be happy, but i can settle for contentment. yes i want to be on some tropical island, where the sun never falls low in the sky, but i will accept Colorado. yes i would love to be free from the disease of addiction but i will accept recovery. these choices are not caving nor are they settling for less. these choices allow me to live in the here and now, instead of some fantasy land. i have lived in fantasy land before, and the results were far from acceptable to me. the only thing that tempered my disappointment was a good dose of something. and those good doses of somethings, brought me finally to my knees and provided me the gift of desperation that i needed to become an addict in recovery.
so yes it is cold and snowing and early december. that is beyond my power to change. i can hopwvere allow myself to be at peace with those facts and move into wmy tasks for the day.
so once again congrats Tim M on six years clean!
off to the showers for me.

∞ DT ∞