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need not be miserable unless, of course, that is exactly what i desire. today, that is not part of what i desire and ironically when i tripped across this particular entry this morning, i instantly thought about the most miserable addict in recovery i have ever known. i have to give him credit, even though he never found the ways and means to rise above his self-created misery, he did stay clean for nearly eleven years. i am not sure whether that was out sheer willpower or obstinate stubbornness. even after he abandoned his spouse and family to chase after something strange and unusual, he never found what he was looking for, and that is unfortunate.
i take his example as a lesson for my own life, even though things “could” be better, i do not need to dwell in that house of pain. sure i have an aging parent who has brought her life down to less than a five hundred square feet, with only the TV and two dawgs for company and little or no motivation to change her life for the better. i am working on contract that just got renewed, i have miserable people in my life who feel “entitled” to my time and compassion. the litany of what is wrong with my life can go on and on and on, if i choose to continue down that road. the fact is, my life is pretty damn good. i have a shelter, food, companionship and the desire and will to live, what more could i really ask for?
of course that question is rhetorical and really does not need to be answered. i am striving to be happy by living the best life i can. i “get” to do my daily recovery and physical fitness routines and suffer the consequences for doing so: serenity, balance, self-awareness, energy and a physical self that has grown very acceptable to what i want to look like. as my spiritual and physical selves start to align with how i want so be, i feel grateful that i have a path that gave me the desire to be more than a miserable wretch living in the dung heap of unmet expectations and relying on people, places and things to fill the gaping emptiness in my soul. i can be alone and not be lonely. i can be “sick” and not spread my disease around to all who meet me. more importantly i can be well and allow others to share in my well-being, even if they cannot let go of the consequences of their past. so it is time to saddle up and head on over to my home group, remembering that all that i do today, i choose to do and that started with the choice i made at six this morning, to ask for and accept the power to stay clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞