Blog entry for:
Thu, Dec 17, 2009 08:47:04 AM
± it is much easier to frighten away using addicts than to convince them to stay ±
posted: Thu, Dec 17, 2009 08:47:04 AM
when i show them game-playing, manipulation, or pomposity, i present an unattractive picture of recovery. i can spin this all about others and their service efforts, in fact it would be a great comfort to do so. of course, then i am just as bad as those others and would be quite the hypocrite. since i am doing my best to be a better person, and since i am all about allowing a program of recovery to work in my life, i do believe that i will practice a bit of being genuine and not violate my values no matter how instantaneously rewarding it may be to my ego and pride.
so what are my motives for service to my fellowship right here and right now? well the simple and pat answer is that i have a desire to carry the message to suffering addicts no matter where they happen to be. while that ideal answer is wonderful and perhaps on some level quite true, to stop there would be disingenuous of me. part of my focus on the step cycle i am commencing is my relationship with the fellowship and how i express my appreciation for that relationship through the service work i do. right now, i am certain of only one bit of service that i desire to do, beyond my current commitments. i know for certain, that come April at least one of the service commitments i have will drop away, and perhaps not be replaced by another. i am certain that my voice is far too loud and far too forceful these days and the time to quiet it a bit has certainly come. the gift of the modicum power i have comes from the respect i have earned over the course of my service, and lately i find myself wanting to exercise that power at the peril of the respect that others have given me. worse yet. i do so at the peril of the respect, i myself have developed for me -- you know the self-respect that is the result of working an active program of recovery. so i am not sure what the answer is this morning, i do know what the answer is not-- namely moving forward like a bull in a china shop. i do believe i will start my first step and see what answers come as a result.
time to hit the streets as i have many miles to go before i sleep.
so what are my motives for service to my fellowship right here and right now? well the simple and pat answer is that i have a desire to carry the message to suffering addicts no matter where they happen to be. while that ideal answer is wonderful and perhaps on some level quite true, to stop there would be disingenuous of me. part of my focus on the step cycle i am commencing is my relationship with the fellowship and how i express my appreciation for that relationship through the service work i do. right now, i am certain of only one bit of service that i desire to do, beyond my current commitments. i know for certain, that come April at least one of the service commitments i have will drop away, and perhaps not be replaced by another. i am certain that my voice is far too loud and far too forceful these days and the time to quiet it a bit has certainly come. the gift of the modicum power i have comes from the respect i have earned over the course of my service, and lately i find myself wanting to exercise that power at the peril of the respect that others have given me. worse yet. i do so at the peril of the respect, i myself have developed for me -- you know the self-respect that is the result of working an active program of recovery. so i am not sure what the answer is this morning, i do know what the answer is not-- namely moving forward like a bull in a china shop. i do believe i will start my first step and see what answers come as a result.
time to hit the streets as i have many miles to go before i sleep.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
↔ service work and motives ↔ 236 words ➥ Friday, December 17, 2004 by: donnot∞ motive check?reality check! ∞ 288 words ➥ Saturday, December 17, 2005 by: donnot
δ when i find myself with an especially strong urge to do or have something, δ 378 words ➥ Sunday, December 17, 2006 by: donnot
μ when i decide to serve my fellowship, i make a decision to help addicts find and maintain recovery. μ 208 words ➥ Monday, December 17, 2007 by: donnot
∞ my motives are often a surprise to me, even after a bit of time clean! ∞ 505 words ➥ Wednesday, December 17, 2008 by: donnot
… my service efforts must be motivated by the desire to more successfully … 740 words ➥ Friday, December 17, 2010 by: donnot
≅ i will check my motives for the true spirit of service ≅ 478 words ➥ Saturday, December 17, 2011 by: donnot
« it is particularly important to check my motives » 592 words ➥ Monday, December 17, 2012 by: donnot
ƒ however, an unselfish desire to serve others ƒ 492 words ➥ Tuesday, December 17, 2013 by: donnot
→ everything that occurs in the course of service to this fellowship ↵ 621 words ➥ Wednesday, December 17, 2014 by: donnot
☀ service motives ☁ 458 words ➥ Thursday, December 17, 2015 by: donnot
🌎 the true sprint of service 🌎 502 words ➥ Saturday, December 17, 2016 by: donnot
🌊 motivated by the DESIRE 🌌 798 words ➥ Sunday, December 17, 2017 by: donnot
👁 what i really want 👁 625 words ➥ Monday, December 17, 2018 by: donnot
✓ checking my motives ✔ 724 words ➥ Tuesday, December 17, 2019 by: donnot
🗦 an unselfish desire 🗧 329 words ➥ Thursday, December 17, 2020 by: donnot
🦚 game-playing, 🦚 477 words ➥ Friday, December 17, 2021 by: donnot
🤔 the desire 🤐 438 words ➥ Saturday, December 17, 2022 by: donnot
😑 patience 😑 372 words ➥ Sunday, December 17, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
1) To him who holds in his hands the Great Image (of the invisible
Tao), the whole world repairs. Men resort to him, and receive no hurt,
but (find) rest, peace, and the feeling of ease.