Blog entry for:

to carry the message of recovery to the still suffering addict. as i started this little exercise, i was going down a path that started with sarcasm and ended in a self-deprecation. it is true, my motives for serving my fellowship have, at times, been more about how i look and what others think of me, than about doing good for my fellowship as a whole. as a result, i often wonder about the motives of my peers, when they share about service to fellowship “filling a void” in their lives. today i know that my past experience with how i did things, drives how i do things now. i also know that projecting my less than savory stuff on my peers, will get me nowhere.
the topic that is most on my mind, is am i really going to get days off next week as planned? i certainly do need to some away from work and i am more than certain that work will carry on, quite well in my absence. as i prepare and double-check that everything, i still fall back into an old pattern off thinking that the next shoe is about to drop and i will bet hammered by it. for right now, getting the next two afternoons off to consume the remainder of my wellness time, seems to be my highest priority at work. even my obsession about winning my Fantasy Football league has fallen below getting everything ready so i can have some time off, which for me, is strange and unusual. it feels as if i lack the FAITH, that no matter what, i will be taken care of, all i have to do is pay attention and exercise the opportunity as it comes my way. perhaps, when all is said and done, all i need to do is let go and see what happens, just for today.

∞ DT ∞