Blog entry for:
Wed, Jan 20, 2010 08:01:02 AM
« it is quite easy to imagine how it might have been, if i had arrived at the doors of fellowship »
posted: Wed, Jan 20, 2010 08:01:02 AM
desperate, wanting to stop using drugs, only to be met by a sales pitch for what my life would look like if only...
i would have started running and would probably still be running today, if i was still on this side of the dirt. why i would have to be promised anything more than freedom from active addiction is beyond me. in fact, as i was a cross-fellowshipper back in my early recovery the twelve promises that i heard referred to over and over again, actually scared me shitless. to this day when someone comes in talking about promises of the program i still feel that fear within me. old shit is sometimes long in going.
i could go on, but that is not what i heard i this morning, it was just a bit of a diversion from what is really on my mind. what woke me up this morning, far earlier than i desired, was the thought about how to proceed with the task at hand, namely moving to contract for our convention in October. going into my deliberations here would not be productive, so instead i will tie these two concepts into a nice and sort of neat package. one of the gifts i have been given as a result of staying clean is too serve the fellowship that brought me to this new manner of living. another of those gifts is the desire to do the best damn job i can when serving that fellowship. so it naturally follows that sometime during the night, the input of the service gathering last night that i facilitated, got processed by my brain and a solution and a direction emerged. as i approached the hour of my awakening, that idea became an obsession that would not be satisfied until i got up and did something about it. so that is what i did, woke up, did my daily routine and got moving into my day. the only regret i have is that i could have used that extra hour of sleep, but tossing and turning and obsessing would not have done anything to fulfill that desire, so now i have two hours of work done and can hit the streets running, literally! so off to my last task before workout and into an attitude of gratitude, after all, an hour of sleep is not that much to sacrifice for a manner of living that promises me one more day of freedom from active addiction.
i would have started running and would probably still be running today, if i was still on this side of the dirt. why i would have to be promised anything more than freedom from active addiction is beyond me. in fact, as i was a cross-fellowshipper back in my early recovery the twelve promises that i heard referred to over and over again, actually scared me shitless. to this day when someone comes in talking about promises of the program i still feel that fear within me. old shit is sometimes long in going.
i could go on, but that is not what i heard i this morning, it was just a bit of a diversion from what is really on my mind. what woke me up this morning, far earlier than i desired, was the thought about how to proceed with the task at hand, namely moving to contract for our convention in October. going into my deliberations here would not be productive, so instead i will tie these two concepts into a nice and sort of neat package. one of the gifts i have been given as a result of staying clean is too serve the fellowship that brought me to this new manner of living. another of those gifts is the desire to do the best damn job i can when serving that fellowship. so it naturally follows that sometime during the night, the input of the service gathering last night that i facilitated, got processed by my brain and a solution and a direction emerged. as i approached the hour of my awakening, that idea became an obsession that would not be satisfied until i got up and did something about it. so that is what i did, woke up, did my daily routine and got moving into my day. the only regret i have is that i could have used that extra hour of sleep, but tossing and turning and obsessing would not have done anything to fulfill that desire, so now i have two hours of work done and can hit the streets running, literally! so off to my last task before workout and into an attitude of gratitude, after all, an hour of sleep is not that much to sacrifice for a manner of living that promises me one more day of freedom from active addiction.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
∞ one promise ∞ 101 words ➥ Thursday, January 20, 2005 by: donnot∞ a promise or a gift ∞ 844 words ➥ Friday, January 20, 2006 by: donnot
α instead of high-pressure nonsense and frightening predictions, i was greeted ω 669 words ➥ Saturday, January 20, 2007 by: donnot
μ of course, after some time in recovery, good things start happening in my life. μ 280 words ➥ Sunday, January 20, 2008 by: donnot
σ i have been given gifts -- spiritual gifts, material gifts … 603 words ➥ Tuesday, January 20, 2009 by: donnot
∴ this fellowship offers only one promise, and that is freedom from active addiction ∴ 799 words ➥ Thursday, January 20, 2011 by: donnot
⇑ i have been promised freedom from active addiction , 540 words ➥ Friday, January 20, 2012 by: donnot
¿ if YOU just work the steps and do not use drugs, ? 452 words ➥ Sunday, January 20, 2013 by: donnot
∗ relief comes over me when i realize that i never have to use again ∗ 561 words ➥ Monday, January 20, 2014 by: donnot
$ one promise, many gifts $ 691 words ➥ Tuesday, January 20, 2015 by: donnot
☼ one promise: ☀ 659 words ➥ Wednesday, January 20, 2016 by: donnot
✑ high-pressure nonsense ✒ 816 words ➥ Friday, January 20, 2017 by: donnot
😏 fit company 😎 559 words ➥ Saturday, January 20, 2018 by: donnot
🎁 a promise of hope: 🎁 576 words ➥ Sunday, January 20, 2019 by: donnot
😎 once upon a time, 🤑 591 words ➥ Monday, January 20, 2020 by: donnot
🤔 heavy-handed spiel 🤨 561 words ➥ Wednesday, January 20, 2021 by: donnot
😎 i never 😎 542 words ➥ Thursday, January 20, 2022 by: donnot
💎 becoming fit 🎁 441 words ➥ Friday, January 20, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
3) The sage has in the world an appearance of indecision, and keeps
his mind in a state of indifference to all. The people all keep their
eyes and ears directed to him, and he deals with them all as his children.