ยซ it is quite easy to imagine how it might have been, if i had arrived at the doors of fellowship ยป
Posted: Wed, Jan 20, 2010 08:01:02 AM
desperate, wanting to stop using drugs, only to be met by a sales pitch for what my life would look like if only...
i would have started running and would probably still be running today, if i was still on this side of the dirt. why i would have to be promised anything more than freedom from active addiction is beyond me. in fact, as i was a cross-fellowshipper back in my early recovery the twelve promises that i heard referred to over and over again, actually scared me shitless. to this day when someone comes in talking about promises of the program i still feel that fear within me. old shit is sometimes long in going.
i could go on, but that is not what i heard i this morning, it was just a bit of a diversion from what is really on my mind. what woke me up this morning, far earlier than i desired, was the thought about how to proceed with the task at hand, namely moving to contract for our convention in October. going into my deliberations here would not be productive, so instead i will tie these two concepts into a nice and sort of neat package. one of the gifts i have been given as a result of staying clean is too serve the fellowship that brought me to this new manner of living. another of those gifts is the desire to do the best damn job i can when serving that fellowship. so it naturally follows that sometime during the night, the input of the service gathering last night that i facilitated, got processed by my brain and a solution and a direction emerged. as i approached the hour of my awakening, that idea became an obsession that would not be satisfied until i got up and did something about it. so that is what i did, woke up, did my daily routine and got moving into my day. the only regret i have is that i could have used that extra hour of sleep, but tossing and turning and obsessing would not have done anything to fulfill that desire, so now i have two hours of work done and can hit the streets running, literally! so off to my last task before workout and into an attitude of gratitude, after all, an hour of sleep is not that much to sacrifice for a manner of living that promises me one more day of freedom from active addiction.
i would have started running and would probably still be running today, if i was still on this side of the dirt. why i would have to be promised anything more than freedom from active addiction is beyond me. in fact, as i was a cross-fellowshipper back in my early recovery the twelve promises that i heard referred to over and over again, actually scared me shitless. to this day when someone comes in talking about promises of the program i still feel that fear within me. old shit is sometimes long in going.
i could go on, but that is not what i heard i this morning, it was just a bit of a diversion from what is really on my mind. what woke me up this morning, far earlier than i desired, was the thought about how to proceed with the task at hand, namely moving to contract for our convention in October. going into my deliberations here would not be productive, so instead i will tie these two concepts into a nice and sort of neat package. one of the gifts i have been given as a result of staying clean is too serve the fellowship that brought me to this new manner of living. another of those gifts is the desire to do the best damn job i can when serving that fellowship. so it naturally follows that sometime during the night, the input of the service gathering last night that i facilitated, got processed by my brain and a solution and a direction emerged. as i approached the hour of my awakening, that idea became an obsession that would not be satisfied until i got up and did something about it. so that is what i did, woke up, did my daily routine and got moving into my day. the only regret i have is that i could have used that extra hour of sleep, but tossing and turning and obsessing would not have done anything to fulfill that desire, so now i have two hours of work done and can hit the streets running, literally! so off to my last task before workout and into an attitude of gratitude, after all, an hour of sleep is not that much to sacrifice for a manner of living that promises me one more day of freedom from active addiction.
∞ DT ∞