Blog entry for:

any other gifts i may receive are BENEFITS of recovery.
a long running theme in my head lately has been entitlement, namely what i am entitled to, BECAUSE i have some days clean. this reading is a good reminder that all i am entitled to, is the chance to make the decision to stay clean today no matter what. saying and thinking that is one thing. living it, is quite a different story. because i have some clean time, i often believe that i am entitle to the respect of all those who have less. because i have some experience in service, i can feel like i am entitled to tell others HOW BEST TO CARRY OUR MESSAGE. because i have been sponsored and have sponsored others, i can feel entitled to give unasked for advice and generally traipse around as if i am some sort of recovery god. with all that happening from time to time, it is no wonder that there are times i feel alone in a fellowship teeming with people who love and care for me. it is that sense of entitlement that isolates me from my fellows. as a result, i become more and more convinced how much better i am than those around me, after all, look at them shying away from someone who knows.
SICK -- SICK -- SICK
there is a solution and it does not require demanding respect, spouting off on every issue that crosses the table or acting like some sort of expert on this recovery gig. no what it requires is that i practice a bit of humility, bring myself back down to Earth and walk the path that those who have gone before me continue to show me. i can learn from their mistakes, and triumphs and the chances are good that if i do what they did, i will get what they got, GOOD or BAD!
i can often be more than a bit obtuse when it comes to my own behaviors, so what i am hearing today as i go down this seemingly random path, is once again, if i do not like what i see in others chances are that is because i am doing the same thing and do not like it in myself. this whole sense of entitlement theme has been present for a while in my head, and i am just now starting to get, that i am seeing it so much,. because it is active in my life. somewhere i got the notion that some length of clean time, entitled me to certain things, sort of like a club membership, where you get bonuses for staying around. clean time does entitle me to: a bit of grace and a spiritual toolbox full of ideas, notions and the ways and means to stay clean one more day.
anyhow, with that in mind it is time to get moving down to work, after all i am only entitled to a paycheck IF i show up, do what is put in front of me, and do it to the best of my ability, kind of like recovery, n'est-ce pas?

∞ DT ∞