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company for kings and presidents may have already happened for this addict, although that is not the socioeconomic stratum in which i travel. to tell the truth, i was disappoi9nted, back in the day, when the ONLY PROMISE that was made to me was freedom from active addiction. as a cross-fellowshipper, i had already heard mention of twelve promises in that other “A” fellowship and wondered if i was getting ripped-off when i committed to the fellowship that has become my life. i know today, for certain, that single promise is more than enough for this addict, as it has come with no strings attached and is wholly dependent on how i choose to live.
this morning as i sat and listened to what was going on in my heart, i was less than pleased with my reaction to the meeting last night. even though it was part of my TENTH STEP, it showed up on my ELEVENTH STEP this morning as well. i was far from pleased about how most of those in attendance were “preachy” telling everyone else what to do. the icing on my poison cake though was the chronic relapser saying that they were a “good teacher” because they had kicked so many times. looking at that through the lens this morning what i see is that i have come to see that there are many who talk a good talk, but few who actually figure out how to make this their life. counting myself as part of the few, i want to jump into my defender of the faith mode and let those who pose, know that i see them posing and i also see that their justification that it takes a minute to adapt to a new manner of living as an excuse to use once again.
where that leaves me right here and right now, is in a place of committing to make my actions, my life and my attitudes match my program of recovery. i might be all pissy with those around me, but where the fVck to i get off thinking that somehow i am better than they are. i live my program to the best of my ability and i have to be certain, that they do as well. as i move into my day, i know that more will be revealed, i may not wear polyester or have 2.6 kids but i do have a life worth living and i have come to find myself worthy of doing the next right thing, h=just for today.

∞ DT ∞