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that some of my peers share when they speak of all the **gifts** of recovery, often sound like the promises that a user car salesman shouts, as they try and sell an over-priced lemon to their latest sucker. those peers also seem to be the ones, who freely give advice by using the pronoun “you” in their shares and stereotyping all the members with their particular brand of insanity by using the pronouns “we” and “us.” i am pretty sure, that is not their intent and more than likely their rosy world shares and their choice of the pronouns they use, are part of their message of hope and they are oblivious as to how it comes off to their peers. if i were to state just the facts m'am as i am wont to do, i can say that without a doubt, getting clean, staying clean and learning to live a program of active recovery was the best course of action this addict ever took. can i say that it is everyone's “cup of tea?” no i cannot, but i am grateful that my years of living in my twilit world of active addiction are currently behind me.
what i heard this morning was a bit of wonderment about what i have been given. it is quite true, that i hate watching my parents fade into the sunset and that my FEAR of their ultimate demise is at times overwhelming me. i also, at times, regret taking the responsibility to check-in on them on a daily basis and build an expectation that i would be there. that,. too, is overwhelming. those feelings would be enough of an excuse to allow me to see if a little dab would do me. not that the desire to use is upon me, but the idle thoughts of escaping into the haze for a few hours, is sort of attractive. when that come upon me, i remember my experiment in college, where i stopped mostly using for twenty days so i could learn Transcendental Meditation. honestly that form of meditation only lasted until i started using again. of all the gifts that i cherish as a result of my recovery life, my connection to something “greater” through meditation is the one i seem to cherish the most. i know that i would be sacrificing a whole lot of other “gifts” on the alter of escape as well, but the constancy and the quite i get from meditation seem to be the most important, at this stage of my living recovery.
yes, i know i tend to share a bit on the dark side, bringing in those aspects of my life that do not “fit” the “wonderful world of recovery” scenario, but i stay clean, live clean and have the desire to make the decision to remain clean tomorrow. i GET to be more of the person i have always wanted to be and be present for those in my life, who need me. now that i have caught up with work, i can take the time to go work out and move along into my day. it is a good day to cherish what i have and share it with those who want to hear all about it.

∞ DT ∞