โ i tell myself there is nothing wrong with me, even though i know i am unmanageably insane โ
Posted: Sun, Jan 24, 2010 09:33:54 AM
my connection with the world, and with reality itself, is severed and as i withdraw further and further from reality, my life loses its meaning.
i have had the opportunity to watch obsession in recovery take over and consume the lives of many with whom i have come to care about. as a result, i get the opportunity to look at myself and see if i am being similarly consumed by an obsession with the force of strength as my NEED to use drugs. there is good news this morning, at least in this respect, i do not see that i am. of course, if i am, then i will ignore, dismiss and generally disregard any evidence that may suggest that i am in such a state of ill spiritual health. a quick inventory may be just what the doctor ordered!
first off, am i constantly thinking about a person place or thing, to the exclusion of everything else? no, although over the past week there has been more than once when i allowed myself to be consumed by moving forward with the convention hotel stuff, but i have let that go,m at least for right now!
has anyone told me, or even suggested that i am in the grips of an obsession? once again the answer to that question is no, and i am certain that i have the trusted friends and peers, that would alert me to such a situation, even if i did not ask for their opinion.
am i constantly angry about some incident or perceived hurt in the past, to the point of bursting out? this is a tricky question, at least for me. as i close my eyes and contemplate the answer to this question, the answer is no. this morning, my past has been moved to the past, and i have reconciled what was done to me, with what i have done to others. i can walk with my head held high this morning.
finally, are my actions and behaviors being designed to get back or hurt myself or someone else today? once again, i would say no they are not. in fact there is no one i have even a lingering desire to hurt this morning, but the day is young, and i have yet to go forth and interact with the real world.
so looking over that less than thorough inventory, there does not seem to be an active obsession in my life today, except perhaps the need to go out and pound five miles or more of pavement. that particular obsession, may or may not be a good thing, but i do know it is the next right thing for me to do this morning, so it is off to the streets and then into the here and now of the real world. it is a good day to be in recovery, and just for today i am grateful that i do not have to live in active addiction, in any of its manifest forms.
i have had the opportunity to watch obsession in recovery take over and consume the lives of many with whom i have come to care about. as a result, i get the opportunity to look at myself and see if i am being similarly consumed by an obsession with the force of strength as my NEED to use drugs. there is good news this morning, at least in this respect, i do not see that i am. of course, if i am, then i will ignore, dismiss and generally disregard any evidence that may suggest that i am in such a state of ill spiritual health. a quick inventory may be just what the doctor ordered!
first off, am i constantly thinking about a person place or thing, to the exclusion of everything else? no, although over the past week there has been more than once when i allowed myself to be consumed by moving forward with the convention hotel stuff, but i have let that go,m at least for right now!
has anyone told me, or even suggested that i am in the grips of an obsession? once again the answer to that question is no, and i am certain that i have the trusted friends and peers, that would alert me to such a situation, even if i did not ask for their opinion.
am i constantly angry about some incident or perceived hurt in the past, to the point of bursting out? this is a tricky question, at least for me. as i close my eyes and contemplate the answer to this question, the answer is no. this morning, my past has been moved to the past, and i have reconciled what was done to me, with what i have done to others. i can walk with my head held high this morning.
finally, are my actions and behaviors being designed to get back or hurt myself or someone else today? once again, i would say no they are not. in fact there is no one i have even a lingering desire to hurt this morning, but the day is young, and i have yet to go forth and interact with the real world.
so looking over that less than thorough inventory, there does not seem to be an active obsession in my life today, except perhaps the need to go out and pound five miles or more of pavement. that particular obsession, may or may not be a good thing, but i do know it is the next right thing for me to do this morning, so it is off to the streets and then into the here and now of the real world. it is a good day to be in recovery, and just for today i am grateful that i do not have to live in active addiction, in any of its manifest forms.
∞ DT ∞