โฅ today, i have a chance to feel clean by living clean โฅ
Posted: Fri, Jun 11, 2010 08:44:31 AM
living clean starts with not using, but as i stay **clean** and work the Twelve Steps, i discover another kind of clean the kind i can only get from living a program of recovery.
it is a wonderful feeling to start my day not wondering about who is out to get back at me for what i did yesterday. sure i may still tromp on a few feelings, make a few people angry, i understand that and that is part of me being human. HOWEVER, as i have discovered, the clean feeling i get, is that for the most part, i am not plagued by a guilty conscience, now that i have one, about how i acted.
so enough of the choir boy stuff, yeah i am clean, yeah i do my best to live a program of active recovery, and yeah all of that is great. what is really going on today? well, i have work for the client i hate working for the most. i have to repeat the stuff i did last week in hell week, as he is once again moving servers, plus i have to deal with the installing some new stuff for him, YUCK! that means i will be on the phone from 11 to whenever trying to get it right. after thinking about the letter from my former sponsee for 36 hours, i know what i need to say in reply. my emotions have been clarified and have settled down, so i can write what i need to, and perhaps he will actually understand what i am saying, there is always HOPE. the lack of motivation i have been struggling with for the past 10 days, is finally starting to fade, and i feel ready to return to living for reals, not just the appearance of living. which means that a call to my sponsor is in the cards, as well as some book work to see where i am at in the step process i am currently embarked upon. it also means a call to the doctor's office to schedule my every other year procedure. anyhow, with all of that on my plate, i do believe i will hit the dusty trail and get a bit of exercise completed before the rain starts, as the nice and sunny morning that greeted me when i awoke, is fast fading into gray. oh yeah, just for today, i will do my damnedest to live according the the values that the program was uncovered within me.
it is a wonderful feeling to start my day not wondering about who is out to get back at me for what i did yesterday. sure i may still tromp on a few feelings, make a few people angry, i understand that and that is part of me being human. HOWEVER, as i have discovered, the clean feeling i get, is that for the most part, i am not plagued by a guilty conscience, now that i have one, about how i acted.
so enough of the choir boy stuff, yeah i am clean, yeah i do my best to live a program of active recovery, and yeah all of that is great. what is really going on today? well, i have work for the client i hate working for the most. i have to repeat the stuff i did last week in hell week, as he is once again moving servers, plus i have to deal with the installing some new stuff for him, YUCK! that means i will be on the phone from 11 to whenever trying to get it right. after thinking about the letter from my former sponsee for 36 hours, i know what i need to say in reply. my emotions have been clarified and have settled down, so i can write what i need to, and perhaps he will actually understand what i am saying, there is always HOPE. the lack of motivation i have been struggling with for the past 10 days, is finally starting to fade, and i feel ready to return to living for reals, not just the appearance of living. which means that a call to my sponsor is in the cards, as well as some book work to see where i am at in the step process i am currently embarked upon. it also means a call to the doctor's office to schedule my every other year procedure. anyhow, with all of that on my plate, i do believe i will hit the dusty trail and get a bit of exercise completed before the rain starts, as the nice and sunny morning that greeted me when i awoke, is fast fading into gray. oh yeah, just for today, i will do my damnedest to live according the the values that the program was uncovered within me.
∞ DT ∞