Blog entry for:

life creatively was what i thought i was doing, way back when. after all, i was capable of tap-dancing, manipulating and stealing what i needed to get high on a daily basis and that took a shit-ton of creativity. so when i got clean i though i had this whole notion of being creative in how i was living down pat. imagine my surprise when i uncovered the fact that what i had down pat was a ritualistic trip through the various scenarios that brought to me what i needed. i was laser focusing on the getting part, the rest of my life fell away and got dusty sitting in a corner. stuff like higher education, building a family, creating a network of friends or fostering my interest in a hobby, were certainly foreign concepts and did not even get thought about, until i had a few years clean. even thin,i hesitated as i was afraid of failing and what about…
these days i do approach life a whole lot creatively, as i have learned to trust my intuition, even on Friday, i knew that i might have been capable of doing that other peak, but i did not feel that it was the next right thing to do and i headed down alone, leaving my hiking partners to move quicker up that other peak. more and more i am willing to acknowledge my limits and not worry about the judgements of others. i have come to a place in my life where taking risks, while still appealing to me, is not what i am about and on Friday my legs were wore out by the time we reached the first summit. i know that they think it is all about cardio, but there i know that climbing mountains and running use the muscles in my legs in a different manner and that they need to be trained. i have been training to run and now i can switch over to training to climb. the next time i go attack a 14'er i will have my climbing muscles back in shape.
with all of that down on paper, it is time for me head on out and sit in a smoke-filled room and enjoy a cigar as i often do on a Sunday afternoon. there are still a few more tasks for me to complete today, but they all can wait until after 4 PM this afternoon. life is far too short not to have my moments of pleasure outside of my house and none of what i want to do, is pressing. it is a good day to allow myself the freedom to do the next right thing and that is to take care of me.

∞ DT ∞