Blog entry for:

in which i treated myself, even i recovery, certainly did not feel like living **clean.** denial and justification are wonderful tools for ignoring the obvious, but as i start to settle into my new reality, i see that i no longer have to go there. i am always amazed when i uncover some new facet of how badly i treat myself and opening the door to something i carried with me for decades certainly was no exception. i am still quite at the place of treating myself in a “clean” manner all the time, but at least i can see the progress i am making towards that goal. staying clean and living an active program of recovery, is my path forward.
this morning, after another very long night at work, i am more determined than ever to hit the road and leave this cluster-fVck of a job behind me. i saw the Peter Principle in action again last night and wondered how those people could keep their jobs, given their level of incompetence. this was their third attempt of moving the data center and just as the previous two went, they seemed to have no clue about what it would take, even though they had weeks, upon weeks, to finger it out. 😭 😭 😭
right now, i am quite coffee'd up, so the toll of three hours of sleep has yet to take affect. i know that using caffeine to stay alert is a crutch, but i want to get my stuff done before the inevitable crash descends upon me. for me, living clean means i take responsibility for what i do, and when i stumble and make a mistake or three, i do my best to figure out how to do it better, next time. after what i have witnessed over the past month or so, i am more determined than ever to rise to the level of my incompetence and find a new gig to pay my bills. being clean, give me the HOPE, that i can exit stage left, before the real weird stuff starts coming down, such as none of our clients actually moving off before their busy season starts in October. for once, i want to be ahead of this game, instead of behind the eight ball, just for today.

∞ DT ∞