Blog entry for:

listening to my intuition and learn to sift out impulses that are rooted in addiction. okay, i got to admit that listening to my intuition was not always a good thing, especially back in the day. even with a bit of clean time more often than not, my first thought was wrong. as i stayed clean and learned to live an active program of recovery in my daily life, i found that more times than not, my first thought is no longer wrong and i can trust my intuition. i know i have peers that have more clean time than i do, who are still stuck, being unable or unwilling to trust their intuition and i am confused as to why they cannot move forward in their recovery journey. if someone, such as myself could do this gig and get the relief and the gifts i have been given than anyone can do so. this recovery stuff is not rocket science and the only math required is the ability to add one more “just for today.”
i know what it took for this addict to get unstuck from his past behaviors, attitudes, beliefs and desires ⇛ staying clean ⇛ working steps ⇛ connection to the POWER that fuels my recovery and a sense of being worth doing all of the above. none of that was easy and i did not enter this state of being overnight. being here, though, is a great relief. there is something to be said about being able to trust myself and through that process coming to trust others. oh i know, there are still more than a few opportunities to get hurt if i choose to trust others, but i also know that if i want the sort of life that i have grown fond of living, that is a chance i have to take. as i grew more confident in allowing myself to feel my way forward, rather than think and overthinking a way forward, i found that more often than not, i chose the easier, softer path, even when it did look like it would be so. as i become less driven by patterns and certainty, i get to find joy in the spontaneity of just doing the next right thing, whatever that may be. the litany of what is, could go on and on and on, but i am quite sure that i have provided enough examples to drive home my point.
as i get ready to head on out to my open air office, i can certainly be okay knowing that whatever seems to be on the horizon today, may of may not be coming my way and if it is, will it do me any good to worry and fret about it? perhaps, but in that matter i will trust my intuition. i am a bit concerned about the cancer on my head as the doctors want to see me at their hospital rather than up here, so it is perhaps something to fret and worry about for the next two weeks. my gut tells me that any way i slice and dice this, there is nothing i can do. i got the melanoma, i have an appointment, so it is time let it go and wait for the results, just for today.

∞ DT ∞