Blog entry for:

my future has been altered and i continue to receive a new freedom that ends my isolation. this morning i was up a bit earlier than i really wanted to be, i could moan about it, and i just whined about it, so what i am going to do next is get some stuff i planned for this morning moving forward and let the rest of the day take care of itself.
what if anything does that have to do with learning how to live in the here and now, and looking forward to the path behind?
well…
let me think for a minute…
i got it!
moving into the goals i have set to do today, instead of wasting my time whining about not getting that additional 45 minutes of shut eye this morning, is exactly on point. i got up, because it was too much effort to try and go back to sleep. that happens to me a lot, and most of the time, especially during the traditional work week, i accept it and move on. weekends in my mind, based on my old life were sacred to sleeping in, and when i dwell in the past, i go back to that same sense of entitlement. i work hard five days a week i DESERVE to allow myself to sleep in a couple of days each week. and on and on, into the final chapter of poor me, poor me, i am so fVcking miserable, using sounds like a GREAT idea.
so the steps have taught me that as much as i resist, in the long run, it is easier to accept and modify my behavior and plans than it is to change those around me or even <GASP> myself.
but Don, if you are working the steps in a conscious manner, and the steps are the only way you know of to make the positive change you desire in your life, are you not making that change yourself? it was that sort of question that i used to drive myself and my friends with back when i thought i was some sort of intellectual giant. true, my effort at living the steps does initiate the change i desire, so one could safely say that i am enabling the change within, that i desire. i am the spark, but hardly the process, and i truly wish, those who do not feel the need to do formal step work would get that. the process is what is responsible for who i am becoming not my desire to be someone, anyone else. just like eating oatmeal and working out have rearranged my cholesterol and lipid profile. that is process that initiated and continue to foster, but is actually way out of my control, EXCEPT FOR DOING MY PART, which is eating and exercising. so on that note, it is now time to go and hit the neighborhood streets for a long and hopefully productive workout, for me the success is not in going further faster, although i REALLY DIG THAT RESULT, rather in doing it all. so like the step work i am doing this afternoon with my sponse, it is time to take the positive action for bettering myself by enabling the process to work one more day.

∞ DT ∞