Blog entry for:

today, i look forward to my life in recovery. so yesterday, i wrote about being up front and direct and needing that sort of direction, this morning i feel the HOPE of the steps. yes, there is more than one way to work the program, but in the end, no matter what there really is only one way to work the program, that is to the best of my ability, in an active manner one day at a time. i lied to myself, by changing around and spinning what was being said to me for the longest time, in fact language has been and continues to be one of my favorite weapons. knowing this makes me no less susceptible to the lies i can tell myself about reality, and when i wrap those lies up in a pretty linguistic package than it is so much more palatable. yes i have defects of character, yes i have shortcomings, and yes i have done others and especially myself harm that needs to be repaired. just because all of that is true, no longer lowers my worth or my self-respect, it is what it is and all of that goes into making me the person i am, who i have come to love and respect over the course of my recovery.
today, i can look forward and although there is more i want to say, my time is brief as i had a monitor emergency this morning. i know that there will be more damage in the future. i know that i will act -out in what may be heinous ways. i know all of this and yet i do not think any less of myself, it is who i am, and i have a program of recovery to correct my spiritual failings.
so off to pack my lunch, shower and shave and show up and be present for my corporate gig. it is a great day to just be human.

∞ DT ∞