Blog entry for:

is still with me and will continue to guide me if i allow it. i am way ahead of schedule this morning, and as a result i may change my mind about working out. my first thought was to take off today, however as i sit here and write this, i am feeling a quick run may be what i need to clear my head. yesterday i wrote about the whole FAITH gig, and today what i here is living in that aspect of my program. by carrying FAITH i can let go of what is bothering me, and let the POWER that fuels my recovery take care of me. one of the pieces of letting go, that always has nagged at me, is does this mean that i live my life as if i was a lily of the field? they toil not, and yet they are taken care of. so does letting go mean the same thing? well if i could live as a lily of the field, drawing my sustenance from the sun and soil, sleeping through the winter and being able to survive without shelter than yes, as it is, i am a fragile human being that needs shelter and food to survive. in the addict mode, this means that i have to manage and control everything, battering my way through obstacles and controlling every aspect of my life. in the black and white world view, i see that if i cannot survive as a plant survives, than it must mean i have to take total control, there is no shade of grey there and i am perfectly justified to get myself all worked up over very little.
this is where the FAITH i have developed comes in. first off, when i am all worked up, i can STOP, for just a moment and allow my brain to catch up with what is really going on. the question i can then ask, is there anything i can do to make the situation better? the answer usually, yes and no. yes i can do what is put in front of me. yes i can listen for and take the opportunities that are being presented to me in the here and now. and no i really have very little control over anything. the trick here, is to let go of my reactions to whatever is going on and allow myself to see what i am being offered.
after writing all of that, i have come back to a place where a day off from working out, is certainly what i need. i will jump in the shower and get moving on the tasks that i have already identified as leading towards the solution and not the problem. the problem being me, the control freak, that feels that if he does not jump in and take control, nothing will happen as i desire. i want more than that today. to achieve that, all i ahve to do is allow it to happen, which i think i am capable of doing, at least right here and right now.

∞ DT ∞