Blog entry for:

i cannot deal with everything at once, so i stop for a moment to let things settle. for me this is the most important thing, the pause, it is also one of the gifts of recovery for which i am the most grateful, most days anyhow. yes it really is o‘dark thirty and yes it is sunday, and here i am typing away because i have things to and miles and miles to drive before i sleep tonight. and my maximizing, magnifying mind, would not allow me to sleep any longer. due to constraints imposed upon me by factors way out of my control, i am doing what i can to get stuff done and take care of myself. so i could be anxious about being up and active, or i could be angry, or i can just be. i am choosing the last choice as it is the least involved, at least this morning.
not that the rest of the suggestions in the reading this morning are bad ones, getting back to the topic at hand, not by a long shot. they are excellent courses of action, once i get past my first reaction to whatever is going on. before i go any further, anxiety is one of those feelings i have a bit of difficulty being grateful for feeling. i know that most of the time, there really is nothing to be anxious about, very few things and events in my life today are life threatening or life-altering, so the fight or flight reaction triggered by anxiety, most of the time is really unnecessary. i must also say, that i was diagnosed with panic disorder way back when i first got clean, so by medical standards, any anxiety should be part of my **mental condition** and not a real reaction to danger.
all of that aside, the pause, for me is very important, no matter what it is i am feeling at this slice in time. then the spot inventory, then the decision to turn it over if the situation is beyond my power to resolve. a simple process to follow, but none of that is possible without the pause for me. i know that i am reactionary, even to this day, and it is the actions that arise out of my reactions that i mostly end-up having to go back and clean-up later. so as i go out towards Kansas today, as i hit the streets at the crack of dawn, as i attempt to accomplish the stuff i need to get done today, i will remember that all of this is possible, because i choose to live a program of recovery. living a program of recovery, today, means that i stop, breathe and think before i act. with that thought in mind, i do believev the time has come to hit the pavement. TTFN

∞ DT ∞