Blog entry for:

how much i have been given. how, exactly, has my life changed since i came to, in recovery? well for one, i am no longer living in FEAR of being outed for what i am. that little task has been taken care of, and although recovery defines who i am, i am no longer struggling with the burden of being an an addict in active addiction.
i have a former and perhaps future sponsee, who has been calling me every few days, telling me he is on the fence but unwilling to make s decision for a variety of reasons. as much as i would love to reach and yank him down into the safety and comfort of recovery, and drag hi by his short hairs back into the rooms, i know that sort of action will yield very poor results. so i wait, and listen and do my best to be warm and welcoming when i want to be brutally honest and say the ONLY way i KNOW of for people LIKE US to thrive is through a program of recovery, so get your lily-white ass in here right now!
that being said, what exactly have i been given since i surrendered to the program? i have been given a direction for the first time in my life. a framework for living, that actually helps me to make decisions that expand my options, rather than narrowing them down. i have been given FREEDOM from the NEED to USE and all of it's consequences. i have been given the opportunity to learn who i am, tolerate the person i find here today and yes come to accept, respect and love him. i have been given a direction that allows me to be more than i was yesterday and opens my eyes to the possibility and probability that i can become the sort of person i have always wanted to be. i have been given the means to treat myself, and as a result those with whom i share my life with, in a better manner. most importantly i have been given a connection to something far beyond the mundane experience that is every day life on this third rock from the sun. for all of this and more i am grateful this morning and ready to move on to my next task, which is more work before going to work.
there are days, when i just need to sit down, stop and feel what it is that this life is all about. yes, i NEED to earn a living, and yes missing a day of work next Monday is a bit off-putting BUT this run of consecutive 8 to 12 hour days, is starting to wear me down. recovery has also given me the opportunity to see that some times i just need to stop and take care of myself as well. taking care of myself means getting started on something i will need to finish this evening, which of course is par for the course these days, as my life is much fuller than i ever expected it to be. and YES that too, is a result of learning to live a program!

∞ DT ∞