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the message that: ** an addict, ANY addict, can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live, ** has certainly become part of what i strive to do, these days. i know that i am far from perfect in spreading this message and i oft times stray into opinions that do not fit under the umbrella of that message. i do, however, wholeheartedly agree with this message and it is this message and nothing else that attracted me to and kept me in the fellowship that has been my home for all these years on end. the frustration i feel when dealing with an addict who is in the throes of active addiction, even if they have a minute clean, makes me wonder if i have truly been freed from active addiction, as the life of no responsibility and blaming all the consequences of bad decision-making on everyone else, is certainly appealing to me. as i take inventory of what i have, however, i realize that the illusion i am selling myself of freedom from responsibility and owning what is mine, is all smoke and mirrors and i am so much better off, following the way than leaving it behind.
i know that, way back when i decided i needed to do something about living life as an addict, i had choices to make. the first of which was how much responsibility for my life was i willing to take. had i gone a different direction there was the escape clause of being “constitutionally incapable of being honest…” as attractive as that might be, as even to this day i love a BIG and juicy loophole, there were certainly other considerations do deal with, the biggest one was being powerless over “alcohol and all mind and mood altering substances.” i had enough issues with being powerless in the first place and when offered the choice between the many: “substances” and the one: “addiction,” i chose the simpler of the two and never looked back. in this fellowship i am not addicted to anything, i am simply an addict, and addiction manifests itself in my uncontrollable use of drugs and a plethora of unsavory behaviors. one size fits all, for this addict and i am here to tell anyone who will listen that the single promise of freedom from active addiction, certainly has come true for this “any” addict, just for today.

∞ DT ∞