โ in the course of day-to-day recovery, i sometimes forget how much our lives have changed. โ
Posted: Thu, Aug 31, 2006 08:25:03 AM
do i fully appreciate what my program has given me?
of course i do not, i forget what the desperation of trying to get clean was like because it has been so many days since the last time i used. and when the compulsion and obsession left me, i was able to move on to bigger and better things. in fact, i am very scattered this morning as i prepare to take off for the Florida keys this afternoon. for the past five days i had to exercise FAITH in abundance, since our destination got a bit of a drenching from a tropical storm. so this morning i am grateful that things are open and we will be able to enjoy our vacation. i am even more grateful that i have acquired the spiritual tool of FAITH. even though i checked on the progress of the storm every twenty minutes all through monday and tuesday, at least i did not cut and run.
what else am i grateful for today, well the resources to take off and leave everything behind for four days, the ability to make plans and see them come to fruition, and the ability not to use no matter what! and none of those are trivial matters.
i am grateful that i have learned how to accept myself as i am right now, the ability to let go of the idea that somehow i am a victim of my past or the part of me i call my disease. i am grateful that i can participate fully in relationships, both romantic and platonic, and friendships. and i am grateful that i have started to learn how to love myself and as a result give and receive love to others.
but you know what i am most grateful for today? that somehow i was chosen to walk the path of recovery as this would have never been my choice. i know it has been said that whatever it takes to bring us to this path is sufficient reason enough to accept the gift of recovery, and today i can not help but wonder exactly why i was given this gift. it really does not matter, today i can be grateful that the events that drove me to my knees occurred and i get to be more than i ever was. and that is the greatest gift of all!
so ta-ta for four days, i will be back online on tuesday sept 4th!
of course i do not, i forget what the desperation of trying to get clean was like because it has been so many days since the last time i used. and when the compulsion and obsession left me, i was able to move on to bigger and better things. in fact, i am very scattered this morning as i prepare to take off for the Florida keys this afternoon. for the past five days i had to exercise FAITH in abundance, since our destination got a bit of a drenching from a tropical storm. so this morning i am grateful that things are open and we will be able to enjoy our vacation. i am even more grateful that i have acquired the spiritual tool of FAITH. even though i checked on the progress of the storm every twenty minutes all through monday and tuesday, at least i did not cut and run.
what else am i grateful for today, well the resources to take off and leave everything behind for four days, the ability to make plans and see them come to fruition, and the ability not to use no matter what! and none of those are trivial matters.
i am grateful that i have learned how to accept myself as i am right now, the ability to let go of the idea that somehow i am a victim of my past or the part of me i call my disease. i am grateful that i can participate fully in relationships, both romantic and platonic, and friendships. and i am grateful that i have started to learn how to love myself and as a result give and receive love to others.
but you know what i am most grateful for today? that somehow i was chosen to walk the path of recovery as this would have never been my choice. i know it has been said that whatever it takes to bring us to this path is sufficient reason enough to accept the gift of recovery, and today i can not help but wonder exactly why i was given this gift. it really does not matter, today i can be grateful that the events that drove me to my knees occurred and i get to be more than i ever was. and that is the greatest gift of all!
so ta-ta for four days, i will be back online on tuesday sept 4th!
∞ DT ∞