Blog entry for:

well, being a part if this fellowship sometimes seems more work than i am willing to do. the past 36 hours have taken their toll on me and last night i was ready to turn off my phone and let and isolate for hours.
this morning however, i feel refreshed and grateful that i did not take such drastic action and that i could be present for all that happened. i am grateful that i am a part of this fellowship and the emotional exhaustion that i felt was a small price to pay for the continuing gift of getting to recover today.
for the longest time, especially in early recovery i just could not find any desire to be a part of, all i wanted was to be left alone and not have anything to do with anyone. after all i was a lone wolf, a rebel without a clue and what i thought the fellowship offered was conformity and monotony, somehow my unique personality would be swallowed by the whole and i would end up a dogma spewing automaton.
as i came to NEED a new set of people in my life to replace those i NEEDED to leave behind to stay clean i discovered that my prejudices and bias would kill me. i would be alone, lonely and using would become a very attractive option. so i took the plunge and slowly let those in recovery get to know me and become part of my life. i have never, ever regretted that decision and today i have found people who really care about me and can be present when i need them. i am what i am today thanks to those members who allowed me to learn to be a friend, a confidant and just be the real me.
and that is the core of my gratitude today.
∞ DT ∞