💨 letting down 💥
Posted: Sat, Mar 15, 2025 01:55:10 PM
the walls that separate me from others, is one of the gifts of recovery that i have had trouble accepting. i want connection with my peers in recovery. i desire deep and abiding friendships and relationships, BUT, i always have the cultured fear in the back of my head, that i am going to get hurt. it is ironic for someone such as myself, who lived for rusk and risk-taking would be such a wimp about letting others into my life. as i detach from social media, i am finding that i need to be better about reaching out to my long-term friends IRL, which is not something i am not good at. i know that i am not socially adept. i am learning that is a skill i can develop, when i let go of the fears that drove me, for what feels like my entire life.
today, i am in between working with two men who call me their sponsor. here is an irony for you all, they both are sharing the SECOND STEP with me and i am letting the readings i did about STEP 2 percolate through my being, before picking up my pen and putting my assignment to paper. what i got out of the first one was one of the issues my sponse touched upon a week ago, specifically having to limit myself to a single middle finger salute per day. that constraint is not the insane part, however, it is the fact that i get to a place often enough as i go through my day, where i feel the need to flip someone or something off. much more of that to be revealed, i am sure. right here and right now, i need to get some steps under my sneakers, before going to sit and pay attention to what my sponsee is bringing me. it is a good day to remember that i am no stronger against addiction than i was the day i got clean, i just have more folks in my corner that i can turn to, when the desire to use comes upon me, just for today.
today, i am in between working with two men who call me their sponsor. here is an irony for you all, they both are sharing the SECOND STEP with me and i am letting the readings i did about STEP 2 percolate through my being, before picking up my pen and putting my assignment to paper. what i got out of the first one was one of the issues my sponse touched upon a week ago, specifically having to limit myself to a single middle finger salute per day. that constraint is not the insane part, however, it is the fact that i get to a place often enough as i go through my day, where i feel the need to flip someone or something off. much more of that to be revealed, i am sure. right here and right now, i need to get some steps under my sneakers, before going to sit and pay attention to what my sponsee is bringing me. it is a good day to remember that i am no stronger against addiction than i was the day i got clean, i just have more folks in my corner that i can turn to, when the desire to use comes upon me, just for today.
∞ DT ∞