Blog entry for:

that fuels my recovery, whenever i feel frustrated. so yes i am up way too early on this so-called holiday and yes i once again removed the words **my God** from the seed of this blog. i had trouble sleeping last night, i work up at 1:30 and could not get back to restful sleep. as there is a bit of work i want to get done, before i head in to work for a half day, i figured i might as well get up and be productive.
as for the latter/ well i am more than confidant that the fellowship i call my home, is being straight up about this whole HIGHER POWER gig, being totally up to me. what i find frustrating is the laziness of substituting the words “understanding of” with a possessive article. i do not OWN the POWER that fuels my recovery, nor did i dream it up form nothingness. what i did work on getting and what i do possess is a notion or concept of what that POWER may be and the relationship i have with that POWER. nothing deep or mysterious and nothing i need to wrap up in an enigma or own. simply put, i GET what i need from a POWER that is greater than i am. that POWER needs no name and works if i allow IT to.
okay tirade is over, so how is taking a deep breath and asking that POWER for something, anything going to allow me to live a better lief and eliminate frustrations? the honest truth is that it will not. life will still have it frustrations and i will have to deal with them as they occur in my daily life. what “stop pause and pray, ”allows me to do, is to get the strength to allow myself the freedom to respond, rather than react. i am not some sort of battleground between competing POWERS. in my worldview there is no lower power that is tempting and testing me to go against the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery. my own self-will plays that role, but lacks anything near the strength of the POWER that fuels my recovery. frustrations are not obstacles put in my way as part of some sort of cosmic comedy, they are simply what happens when the self-will of all humans gets rolling along. or they are the result of natural processes, upon which all that free-will is piled upon. or worst of all, they are the consequences of my decision-making process or some combination of all of the above.
they are, simply put, what they are.
anyhow, with that in mind, i think i will go deal with the frustration that is sitting on my desk, that is the consequence of me, not being able to say no. i can and will get this done and out of my life, as the POWER that fuels my recovery, also has provided me the means to do so. have an excellent day off, i know that once my work is done, i will!

∞ DT ∞