Blog entry for:

and talk to GOD.
well i knew this day would come, a reading about praying, which i do not do very much of, for any reason at all. at least i do not have to deal with the whole “my GOD ” piece of that, as i do NOT own the POWER that fuels my recovery, nor would i presume to take possession of IT.
i am not a prayerful sort of guy. i quick “please keep me clean” in the morning and “thank you” are all i can muster, and even those seem a bit strange and forced at times. so when i feel overwhelmed,. by the little things or ginormous events half a world away, because sometimes that just happens, i get the take a breath part, but instead of “talking” i shut down whatever i can in my head, and listen. this morning for instance, i woke up at 6:15 and decided i was not ready to rise and shine yet. as a result of that tiny decision, now i GET to write this exercise from home, head to my home group, meet with a sponsee, and then do my weekend stuff for my parents. my day has become a bit topsy-turvy and in the long and short run, i am okay with it, even though i am anal to the point of being OCD, at times about my schedule and my routine. what i did not do is panic and run around emulating a chicken that recently was decapitated. which is how i would have reacted not all that long ago. i did my treasury report, took care of a bit of bidness, worked my 11TH STEP, had breakfast and in the long run, will jump into my car and head on overt to Boulder, maybe even taking the time to get my car washed inside and out.
what i “heard” when i took the time to listen, is that for me, stopping, taking a breath and just being quiet, could be seen as prayer, in one form. i may not be literally asking for anything, but i am seeking guidance. i may not expect the situation to change, but i am looking to change my current reaction. all of the benefits of a quick prayer and none of the attached baggage, at least in my head. what happens next, is that i usually feel a bit more connected, a bit more calm and certainly a whole lot more collected. i can move on to whatever the next right thing is, and maybe it is just owning that i am not as want people to see me being. today i am okay with my stuff being upside down and backwards, because i know that i can move through today, be okay with how this morning started and in the long run, nothing really matters, at least in this respect. it certainly is a good day to be and when i think about even a better day to live the principles of HONESTY, OPEN-MINDEDNESS and WILLINGNESS.

∞ DT ∞