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It is true that the first relationship that I forged in the program was that of a sponsor/sponsee. I also found other people that had common intrests or folks that I related to because of similar life experience. After a while I began to build relationships that were similar to that of a sponsor (closed mouth friends). I grow to expect certain things from my closed mouth friends (like my sponsor). I hope that they would call me on my shit and that I should do the same for them out of concern (love of a sort). I may not be entirely accepting of what a friend may say to begin with but ultimatly, I must realize that they have my best intrest at heart. It is thier opinion. They make suggestions. I can choose to follow or look into thier suggestions or NOT. My old behaviors would say that I would beat them to a bloody pulp (physically or otherwise). As a part of my recovery today, I am trying to be different. I may be defensive at first, but before creating another 9th step ammend I try to look at what the person said to see what validity there is to what they said. It may take several days, but I am getting better about it. There are times that I agree to disagree. Sometimes I just leave it as the other persons shit to deal with. Sometimes it goes against my core beliefs. It is at that time that I must express my opinion once again. I will then choose to terminate that realationship or find a tolerable medium. Just the action of sharing a concern is an act of love for my fellow addicts. I now find that I must ask ALL of my cloesd mouth friends if I may share honestly with them. In doing this I am taking stock in who I can speak freely to and who I must be careful not to OFFEND. The ones that will be offended by my concern will be aquintances ,at best. Or of no consequence at all. One thing I do expect of my sponsor and cloesed mouth friends is someone who will tell me when I am acting badly or being embarassing to my self and them. Like someone who will tell me that there is something in my teeth, I got a booger or my fly is open. I should be able to do the same for them. Sometimes I am affraid that I will hurt someones feelings or that they won't like me. I can't let that stop me from telling them. I would hope that they would do the same for me. The book says that I can't save my ass and my face at the same time. I take care of my ass and hope that my real friends will kind of look out for my face.
jt