Blog entry for:

with the POWER that fuels my recovery -- risky or not, my experience tells me i cannot do without it.
this morning, i am running way behind. since this is round two of my dental amends to myself, i got to hang out at home this morning and catch up with my incarcerated sponsees. so when i finally came back to looking at the reading and considering what was going on inside of me, as a result, i am more than a bit surprised that it is not about how i came to trust and how i live in that feeling, when it comes to my sponsor and yes more than just a few of the men, who i have developed relationships with, over the course of this step cycle. no what i heard was thew other side of the equation, how can i foster others to trust me, especially the dank and dark places in their beings. i mean, continuing a theme i started yesterday, people like me, are far from trustworthy, our purpose is to get what we want, by whatever means is possible. switching from that paradigm is not easy and takes time. i still want to fall back on that, “getting mine, no matter what the price,” especially when i have drifted away from my spiritual center, which seems to be the way inertia takes me, when i stop doing the next right thing.
what does that mean? well it means that if i want to be trusted, especially by the men, who choose to allow me to guide them through their own recovery process, i have to act with integrity, honesty and selflessness, as much as possible. i have to show them that i am worthy of being trusted by my actions and not just by my words. so as i get rolling on a new set of relationships, by mail as well as in person, it is up to me to remember that their eyes are focused more on what i do and less on what i say. just as i had to come to trust my sponsors, so each of them must arrive at that place through their own journeys.
anyhow, not a whole lot more to see here, actually there probably is, but i am getting distracted by work, and i have yet to shower, as a result i will just allow myself to warp this up with the thought that i can only trust someone else, to the extent i feel i can be trusted by others. today, i am worth being trusted!

∞ DT ∞