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i was once a newcomer myself. welcome to confession, bare my soul time. honestly, i have not been as welcoming to ALL the newcomers who are walking in the doors. i have been classifying them as to whether or not they are worth my time. two in particular come quickly to mind, and i have had enough exposure to the both of them to actually make such a judgement. one is stuck in the revolving door, in and out and when he arrives the tears he sheds for himself se3em genuine enough, and yet, chances are he will once again disappear into his active addiction once again, tomorrow. as far as i can tell, he is unwilling to do what it takes, he says all the right things and may even be able to put seven days, the sum total of all the ESH he has been given, appears to be absolutely zilch! time is my most precious resource these days, and as bad as it sounds, i am getting greedy and selfish with how i dole it out. there certainly is more than a small element of self-entitlement going on here, i am responsible not only for my recovery, but to carry the message to the still suffering addict. where do i get off trying to judge who will or will not get this. after all, i am still willing to sponsor a man, who has decided that the revolving door on jail is a consequence that he is willing to accept for getting high, just once more.
the second newcomer i have shied away from has been coming around for a while, and is staying clean. he is a member of more than one fellowship and has yet to learn the difference. he maintains his uniqueness and wonders why some like me, keep their distance. for me, it is a matter of not having to make an amends. i have very little tolerance for those who will not learn what we are all about, and to educate him, would more than likely be a bully session, with intellectually beating the snot out of him. which is not a road i choose to travel, being distant protects both me and him from my anger and i get to be okay with learning to tolerate him from a distance. the only problem is that i am not the only one who is pulling back, and i have to wonder if my actions are causing others to do the same. are my choices creating a hostile environment for him? is this leading to the amends i am trying to avoid? an interesting proposition for me to consider as my day progresses, and i will.
in the mean time i do believe i will save this and read the news of the world, as my data connection has been less than stellar in this corner of the world the past few weeks.

∞ DT ∞