Blog entry for:

process of surrendering, taking inventory, and inviting change or what one might call living a program of active recovery. although i purport to do my best to live that sort of life on a daily basis, i often fall short. that does not mean that i sit on my ass and whine about how much of a failure i am or play the martyr waiting for someone to come rescue me. i am quite certain that one of the places i have been “failing” is giving my niece the benefit of the doubt. those two outcomes to life's little frustration are her default actions and right here and now, i am so tired of dealing with her, i cannot actually wait until i can pretend she does not exist, at least for a few months. not very spiritual i know, but i am at the point where i need to protect my sanity and my serenity by dealing with her as little as possible.
moving into what i can do today, first and foremost, i can stop renting space in my head to others and just surrender, let go and allow them to be who they are. i have precious little space in my head as it is! 🤣 seriously however, when i surrender to what i am powerless over, which certainly is a shit ton of stuff, i can allow myself the freedom to open my mind to other stuff. no matter how hard i try, however, some things just seem to permanently stick and no amount of effort seems to be open my mind to a different possibility. distance seems to be my only recourse and distance is what i plan on putting between and the object of my ire, these days. i am tired of feeling on edge and ready tom explode over every little thang that happens, and i have moved into forgiveness for myself and my Mom, so only one more item on the “get rid” of list, to return to a place of balance, just for today.

∞ DT ∞