Blog entry for:

this theme has been coming up lately, over and over and over and over again, in the meetings i have been attending, and actually i am getting a bit tired of it. BUT regardless of my personal feelings i need to remain focused on the fact that there are bunches of newcomers in the rooms today, and for my recovery i need to remember that they are the most important people in the rooms BECAUSE i can only keep what i give away.
it really is that simple. what i seem to be sharing about is that when i finally decided to do this recovery gig, i was unwilling and angry about being here. one might even say i was resentful over the fact i was an addict. in those days, lacking any sort of spiritual tools, i blamed the members of the fellowship for making me an addict. in fact, i had come to the conclusion it everyone left me alone, and i could use once a month, the world would be a much better place. i would be happy, my using buddies would be happy, society and my family would be spared my rage and abuse, and my life could go back to the way it was. the truth is that once a month would have changed back to daily use and the bit about sparing the world my rage would quickly disappear, i was full of rage and resentment even while using.
so what does all of this have to do with sharing and working with the newcomers today? well, perhaps one of them is in a similar situation emotionally and spiritually and just might relate to the struggles of my early days in recovery. if they can relate to that and see how i am now, they just might find a bit of HOPE that they too can get this whole recovery gig and succeed at life. or they may keep the same attitude i had until the desire to use was lifted from me, namely that this is all a lie. no one ever loses the desire to use, and any length clean time beyond six months is beyond their wildest imaginations.
so i guess my job today is to suit up, show up and be present for any newcomer who happens to cross my path AND leave the results in more capable hands than mine!

∞ DT ∞