♠ imagining my life without shortcomings gives me a feeling of what lies past fear ♠
Posted: Sat, Apr 14, 2012 08:29:21 AM
the POWER that fuels my recovery offers me a vision of my life, free of MY defects!
alright, time to tell some truth here. i woke up at 2:15 AM this morning and could not get back to sleep. even though i kept seeing one line of code from my current employment gig, what was really keeping me from sleeping was the excitement of getting my new toy, that i am going to justify and rationalize as a business expense when the times comes next year. by not paying attention, i lost the opportunity to have it at my doorstep yesterday, so man oh man, i had to delay gratification for eighteen hours or so. i can get it this morning and i am sure that most of today will be lost to getting it up and running and doing all the cool things i know i can do with it.
none of that seems to have any bearing on what the reading was talking about, or does it? there was a day when i would have been the first thing i would have done when i had the desire was run out, pay for it anyway i could and have it in my hot little fingers before the ink had dried on the very first reviews. today. i have done everything correctly, including not checking the shipment status of my new toy. had i allowed my NEED for instant gratification the rule me yesterday, i WOULD have known that it was at my doorstep yesterday and taken the steps necessary to have it in my hands last night. as it is, i am going to run, shower and then head over to Boulder for a meeting and during that process swing past the FEDEX office to pick it up. and you know what? i am more than OKAY with that decision to implement that sequence of events. just for right now, i have been relieved of my shortcoming to manipulate events to provide exactly what i want RIGHT NOW and that is the growth inherent in the step process.
thinking about the meeting the other night, when one addict shared, the one part of living the program he failed to mention was working the steps with a sponsor. for him, recovery means material success, and somehow he not using. he may seem batsh!t crazy, but it is working according to his definition and as deadly as such a course of action would be for me, i have to accept that not all of us recover at the same pace.
for me, right here and right now, it is time to take care of my amends to me by exercising and then off to fetch my new precious, on pad to rule them all!
alright, time to tell some truth here. i woke up at 2:15 AM this morning and could not get back to sleep. even though i kept seeing one line of code from my current employment gig, what was really keeping me from sleeping was the excitement of getting my new toy, that i am going to justify and rationalize as a business expense when the times comes next year. by not paying attention, i lost the opportunity to have it at my doorstep yesterday, so man oh man, i had to delay gratification for eighteen hours or so. i can get it this morning and i am sure that most of today will be lost to getting it up and running and doing all the cool things i know i can do with it.
none of that seems to have any bearing on what the reading was talking about, or does it? there was a day when i would have been the first thing i would have done when i had the desire was run out, pay for it anyway i could and have it in my hot little fingers before the ink had dried on the very first reviews. today. i have done everything correctly, including not checking the shipment status of my new toy. had i allowed my NEED for instant gratification the rule me yesterday, i WOULD have known that it was at my doorstep yesterday and taken the steps necessary to have it in my hands last night. as it is, i am going to run, shower and then head over to Boulder for a meeting and during that process swing past the FEDEX office to pick it up. and you know what? i am more than OKAY with that decision to implement that sequence of events. just for right now, i have been relieved of my shortcoming to manipulate events to provide exactly what i want RIGHT NOW and that is the growth inherent in the step process.
thinking about the meeting the other night, when one addict shared, the one part of living the program he failed to mention was working the steps with a sponsor. for him, recovery means material success, and somehow he not using. he may seem batsh!t crazy, but it is working according to his definition and as deadly as such a course of action would be for me, i have to accept that not all of us recover at the same pace.
for me, right here and right now, it is time to take care of my amends to me by exercising and then off to fetch my new precious, on pad to rule them all!
∞ DT ∞