😱 why am i afraid? 🤢
Posted: Wed, Apr 14, 2021 04:05:22 PM
certainly a great question, given what has come down the pike over the past six weeks: an identity crisis, major resentments, the fall from health of my Dad, the need for a new job, teeth needing to be yanked from my head, and the hits just keep coming. living my life has not been any sort of cake walk these days and i do not expect the near future to brighten up and provide a whole new vistas for me. one of my peers, who has become a close friend got me to use the FAITH word when we were talking about all the stuff on my plate and another friendly peer, commented of how gracefully i was walking through my life. FAITH will keep me coming back and i am not so sure that i have much integrity or grace. i will have to take those observations for what they are, what they see. in side all of that, i feel like i am barely keeping ahead of a raging inferno that is screaming down the mountain at me, and i keep feel the flames licking at the soles of my feet. ahh, before i go one, on this topsy-turvy day:
yesterday, instead of marching up to my dad in his current condition and make amends, which i do need to do, i listened to the words of my sponse and just was present for him, told him i loved him and let him know i would be okay, if he allowed himself to stop fighting and move on. i do not believe he needs my permission, nor do i have the power to bring things to their quite certain conclusion. my intent was to provide comfort and if really “needed” my permission, a highly doubtful scenario, he could have it. the only comfort i could provide overnight was to keep him medically comfortable and provide him my hand to hold on to. he is not in any condition to participate in an amends process, and i was attempting assuage my uncomfortable feelings over the object of my misplaced anger. the day will come when i can make a true and meaningful amends to him, and that day was not last night.
so with all that is going on, i am not certain what is this new vision i am going to be seeing, when the smoke all clears. i have to move with FAITH and allow what is, to simply be and see what the outcome may be. after all, i have never had a bad outcome at the end of a tumultuous period of my recovery.
Mindy Z.
ELEVEN (11) years clean today.
Congrats and i hope i added something more than germs to your coin!🤣
yesterday, instead of marching up to my dad in his current condition and make amends, which i do need to do, i listened to the words of my sponse and just was present for him, told him i loved him and let him know i would be okay, if he allowed himself to stop fighting and move on. i do not believe he needs my permission, nor do i have the power to bring things to their quite certain conclusion. my intent was to provide comfort and if really “needed” my permission, a highly doubtful scenario, he could have it. the only comfort i could provide overnight was to keep him medically comfortable and provide him my hand to hold on to. he is not in any condition to participate in an amends process, and i was attempting assuage my uncomfortable feelings over the object of my misplaced anger. the day will come when i can make a true and meaningful amends to him, and that day was not last night.
so with all that is going on, i am not certain what is this new vision i am going to be seeing, when the smoke all clears. i have to move with FAITH and allow what is, to simply be and see what the outcome may be. after all, i have never had a bad outcome at the end of a tumultuous period of my recovery.
∞ DT ∞