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i will expose my fears and allow them to vanish. although the reading was about reasons for not moving forward with my FOURTH STEP it all comes down to the FEAR vs FAITH conundrum. why is the FEAR of the change evoked by processing and living a FOURTH STEP so overwhelming to me, that despite my previous experience with my step work, here i sit just vegetating?
it all comes down to the question i asked a sponsee the other day, when i will i love and respect myself enough to man up, face my fear and move forward?!
the answer is of course that familiar old refrain of when the pain of doing is less than the pain of not doing the work. in my case, i am about to reach that particular tipping point. do not get me wrong, i am not going insane, thinking that after all this time i can do just one. nor am i plotting the destruction of the world as we know it. i have more than enough grace, from my daily maintenance program as well as doing my best to live a program to scrape by, but i am about to reach the point where just getting by is not nearly enough.
will that be pain enough? i really can not say, as this is such a unique situation for me. before pain and FEAR drove my program, now that it is HOPE and FAITH, nothing is really the same anymore. i see more, feel more and have the ability to do what i never did before, leap tall problems in a singe bound. ;)
once again, i will not male any promises and resolutions that i will not keep, but maybe, after the meeting tonight, or perhaps instead of the meeting tonight, i will sit down and put pain to paper, vanquishing my FEAR with a single stroke, after all the journey of a thousand miles starts with…

∞ DT ∞